Ask Ella: Should I Invest?

Will my investment be worth it? 

-You

Re: Your Investment
CC: Financial Team


Dear Mr. You, 

       There's plenty about me that might scare you. My mere existence for example. I mean... that I'm a Real Woman. There aren't many of us out here. Some look like us. Some might even look... better. But don't be fooled. Other versions, released by other companies, are exactly what they look like. Sloppy Women are sloppy. Pretty Women are pretty. Empty Women are empty. Real Women are Me. & By "Me", I mean the women I represent: Ella's. I congratulate you in coming across one. Better yet, I congratulate you in coming across The one. 

        This company, Ella Thought, is only interested in potential buyers. For, I am meant to be driven. In a previous conversation we had, I let you now that this particular make & model is not available for rental. We'd not put on extra, unnecessary miles as it devalues the product. Depreciation is not in our best interest. 

        We do though, lend. The lending option means you can have me for a couple of hours. I am available for dinners, concerts, parties, festivals, movies and other activities where you'd just like to be accompanied by me. I am always available for shopping. (I am sure you're aware that you'd like Super-Fly with me. ) This option excludes overnight stays and home visits. Ella does not put its best products in uncertain situations. But, I might say, you don't strike  as me the "Lending" type. According to Ella requirements, you are not fully qualified to own, so I've considered a special  option for you. This is an option extended only to the best of our potential buyers. It is a specially constructed level of ownership fashioned for your particular situation. 

        I'd like to make you a Valued Client. Although you can cannot fully commit to ownership at this time, Ella has determined that we'd still value your involvement in the company. We'd like to offer you a Partnership. Ella will provide everything you need as long as you provide the maintenance. This is an  environmentally friendly product which runs on natural resources: Happiness, Love, Health, Smiles. For the most part, I am self-maintaining. But this model, the Ella Thousand, is the equivalent of a foreign car.  With regular maintenance, I'll be the best purchase you ever made. Even if not regularly maintained, I still run better than most other vehicles on and off the road. But when I break down, I'm a bitch to fix. And the parts aren't cheap. It's not that the Ella Thousand is high maintenance. It's actually low maintenance, but you've got to take really good care of it.  We expect you to treat the Ella Thousand like it is yours. It's already pretty. Good body. Excellent mechanics. But you can throw some rims on it if it's classy. Change the tires. Fill up the tank. & Give it a good wax when you can. 

Answers to FAQs complied for You: 

       Why should I invest? The Ella Thousand is a top of the line product. Reliable. Dependable. Can handle all terrain. Great history. Additionally, this product is geared only to improve as time progresses. As new options arise and the client changes, Ella Thousand is sure to change along with you. It accommodates to the situation without affecting the product. This is a growing product with automatic updates. It's self maintenance makes sure it improves regardless of the customer. It is actually more likely that the product improves too much and too rapidly for the customer because it is already on an advance path. The Ella Thousand is made for a customer who has ambition to match, or better. One thing the Ella Thought does not do is fall behind. That is something this company swears behind 100%

      

     What if I'm not thinking that far ahead? No worries, you don't have to. We've mentioned before that this product is advanced. If it does not think to the future, it is likely to be surpassed by other models and Ella cannot let that happen. For the "Right Now" client, the product is also a does everything it needs to do. Gets you from point A to point B. It's your decision whether or not to go to C. But the Ella Thousand goes to Z if you want to go there. The Ella Thousand is guaranteed to be your "favorite." You'll want it. You'll prefer it. When you have it, you'll be completely satisfied. When you can't have it, you'll wish you did. You might not always think of it, and you might make other choices, but if you are ever in the position to make the "choice," Ella will be the one. At least, that has been the case with anyone who took the step.


          How much maintenance are we talking about? Ella Thousand is comfortable in its current situation. As mentioned previously, the product is constantly updating. For it's own best interest and yours. As a company, we have highly value the ideals of hard-work, family and self-enlightenment. The Ella Thousand has plenty other scheduled commitments. If no commitments are made, it focuses on self-improvement with an emphasis on body and mind. With this package, we must let you know that the product is available only nights and weekends. If special circumstances arise, arrangements can be made. But from 9am-8pm, M-F, Ella Thousand will be servicing itself and therefore, unreachable.   Additional commitments with board members (comprised of family & friends. This is a respectable, family-owned business) further decreases the amount of time you'd need to commit. You do not need to put in constant maintenance. There are no daily/weekly fees or check-in requirements. But when you are available for maintenance, we expect you to satisfy the product in full. 

          Is investment required? Investment is Ella's way of ascertaining your level of commitment. We don't ask about commitment at Ella. The conversation is typically filled with loopholes, lies and lust. Instead, whatever you put in is what you get out. If you want the "fully-loaded" package, it's going to cost you more. Also if you don't invest enough to maintain, we'll have to go out in search of additional sponsors. While we would love for you to accept the Partner option and maintain, Ella has to take care of its own best interests. Being a business man yourself, you must understand that money talks. The company is pleased (and surprised) to name Keri' Hilson's "No Boys Allowed" album as a major influence in the most recent slew of album drops. In answer to this question, I encourage you to listen to Buyou ft. J. Cole. For your reference and ease, I've included J Cole's verse here:

I see ya, it’s hard not to see ya.
Face like Aaliyah plus a college degree-ah
Climbing up the ladder at that full time job.
Tell me how the hell you end up with a full time slob?
I mean you been a ride a die for him
Paid for the dinner and the movie and the popcorn.
How you figure it’s gon last, he just sit up on his ass?
And play that damn x-box that you cop for him?
Buyou, buyou, how much to try you?
Aint saying you for sale but baby lets be for real.
Buyou, buyou, shit that I can buy you.
These n-ggas all the same, either they Ken or Ryu.
Stringing you along allow me to untie you.
Vitamin D supply you.
Let them little boys walk by you.
They fronting cause they broke
But the numbers don’t lie
If they swear they so fly tell me why they never fly you?

Out-of-Town FAQs

        Do I have to fly you? Yes. In your particular situation, distance would be of a concern as Ella Thousand requires occasional maintenance (see above). On occasion, you might like to have your product come to you. Please keep in mind that this is a product. & A fragile one. You must pay to have your product sent to you. In the appropriate conditions. There is no free shipping unless you've already spent a considerable amount on the company. We are open to travel but traveling takes work: especially in moving around schedules. With that said, we'll need insurance. If Ella does put up for travel, we expect  reimbursement of equal amounts  --monetarily is an option, but not the only one. Reimbursement should occur sooner rather than later. 

     How do I know I'm getting what I signed up for? The product is not perfect. But neither is any of the competition. What I'm offering to you today, is a complete package. Clearly laid out. You will not get any less than agreed to. But if you're a good customer, and show loyalty we'll be glad to throw in occasional extras. This product is one that will be beneficial in the future, but accommodating the the now. The only way to truly find out, would be to test the product. We do not provide "free trials", but you can schedule for a lending opportunity. If you are satisfied with the product in person, we can discuss the possible partnership. If you accept the offer, this will stand as a written contract. Things in writing hold most weight and so Ella has provided you with that benefit. If at any moment, one party feels as though the other isn't coming through, feel free to refer to this document. 

       Do I have to invest? No. We're pleased to offer you this option, but your involvent or lack of will have no drastic effect. Ella is already a very lucrative organization, with nothing but potential for growth.   We're just offering the opportunity for you to be involved in something great. We look forward to hearing back from you on this opportunity and encourage you to consider the options. I am sure you will find that this is an opportunity few would let pass. Similarly, you are a client we'd like to foster a relationship with and we'd be willing to hear your thoughts on the offer. We'd also listen to options you've considered, as long as they fall in line with the above. 

Thank you for looking into Ella's Thoughts. You know how to reach me. 

(Offer expires April 1, 2011.)

Ask Ella: Do You Believe in Zodiac Relationships?

Heyyy Ella, 

so ive got another one for you if you have the time. Whats your view on people basing their dating criteria off of zodiac signs? And how one sign supposedly works with another based off something that usually people will just google?

-Concerned With [Signs]. 

Dear Signs,

     I've always got time ;)  I'm going to admit that when I first read your question, I took on the "psshhh, that's dumb, obviously" state of mind... Really though, it was just a clue to myself that I needed to step back and think about it more. 

     Do I believe that horoscopes and zodiacs are the end all be all of our relationships and actions? No. Do I still read them? Yes. I don't know why... I guess it's similar to fortune cookies, they just make you look at your situation from another angle, a sort of detached perspective that we take to heart because there's no way your horoscope "be hatin" on you, now is there? When you ask your friends for input, there's always a chance that there opinions are influenced by something outside. 

     Reverting to google might be our (new-age) method of getting advice with out the backlash or being judged. Another confession: I just looked up the compatibility between me and a guy before writing this post. Thing is, the article pretty much summed up what's going on between him and I. I think... either it's true or the article simple gave me reasoning as to why things are happening the way they are. So it provided a bit of comfort. Maybe my strong Aries personality is clashing too much with his insecure Cancer persona.... or maybe he just doesn't like me like I like him. You see how the compatibility chart took it a lot easier on me? The entire article talked about how (by the stars and the moons) he and I are complete opposites and hardly ever does a relationship between us two work, but it left off with telling me that it can work with one thing: hard work. Which  doesn't really say anything. If he doesn't like me, he doesn't like me. 

       

      Or maybe the Zodiac is the ultimate truth. Maybe I do need to work harder. But there's a chance that's I'm saying it's all bullshit because it didn't give me the exact answers I want to hear. Which goes something like this: "You're meant to be, all you need to do is call him and he'll say he loves you, too. You'll be married in the fall of 2014." I believe in the Zodiac as much as I believe in any other deity I can't see. No mean to offend anyone, but all these theories of life have the same amount of backing as the next. If you do believe in horoscopes, that's good for you. They say we all need something to hang onto. Personally, I think that people do need to match up, but no one has "needs to be a Scorpio or an Aries" on their list. I don't know how the personality thing for Zodiacs work (except for my own sign) and honestly don't have the time to memorize all of them and find my perfect match. 

     When a guy asks me my sign, it's a turnoff to me. Especially if they know too much about it. Like... it's cool if you know a little bit, but I'm not interested in signs like that, so I can't keep up with the conversation. All I know is I'm an Aries, and I'm (supposedly) stubborn so I don't want to talk about horoscopes. I do, though, think its cute when a guy asks and admits that he doesn't know anything about it either.... but it's a conversation question. That's fine. It's even a little funny. 

    Really, I only believe in my horoscopes or compatibility matches when they're positive or true. Much like how people cling to any theories or religions that best suit them. People believe in what makes them the happiest. Whatever brings them fulfillment. And when one theory fails them, they move onto the next. Jesus nor Buddah nor...(I'm all out of gods) could give me an answer for why it's so hard for me and __________ to actually move forward... so I shifted to the Zodiac. 

    The Zodiac always has answers; Yearly, monthly, weekly, daily. Relationship, family or career-wise. I just think it's convenient and (guilt/monetarily) free. 

May the moons be with you ;)

My Phone Number Comes with an Expiration Date.

    Maybe I'll be here. Maybe I'll see ya around. That's the way it goes. Almost doesn't count. -Brandy "Almost Doesn't Count"

  I have a love/hate relationship with private calls. I hate them because I don't know who's calling (obviously) so I can't call that person back. But I love them because it becomes a sort of mystery. No one's number is blocked nowadays, so whoever is making the effort to block their number and call me has to be doing it for a reason. This is when you dust off the mental Rolodex and thumb through the possibilities. And they're endless aren't they? Really though, you just hope it's  _________. & you hope that they'll call back while you're there to answer all to see if you were right. I finally picked up & this is what happened:

          "Hello?"
          "Hey," says a voice I didn't recognize.
          "umm... Hi?"
...Silence...
          "Hey? umm... [Ella]?"
          "Yes.... Who is this?"
          "CJ.."
          "Ummm.... who?"
          "CJ."
...Silence... I guess he thought I hadn't heard him, but in reality, the name didn't ring not one bell.
          "CJ..."
...Silence...
          We went out a while ago?"
...Silence...
          "Tall?"
...Silence...
          "We went to the movies?"
...Silence...
          "I picked you up?"
          "Ohhh!!! Hi..." Now I knew who this fool was. I literally LOL'd as I thought, Why in the hell is he calling me? I  wouldn't call me. 
          "Hey... umm how are you?" he continued to embarrass himself.
          "I'm good."
...Silence...
          "So umm, how've you been? What have you been up to?"
          "Umm, Actually I"m at work right now so I can't talk."
          "Oh. Okay. Can I call you later? Like, tonight? Is that okay? Or tomorrow?"
          "That's fine, but I'm at work right now I really have to go."
          "So like, when... like what time? Tonight?"
          "I really don't know. I have to go."
          "Ok."

    That's who's been calling me private? *sigh*  What a disappointment. I mean... he's not the last guy who took me out. He's not even the second-to-last guy... or third-to-last guy... I mean... god.  I never wanted to talk to this kid again. Not for any particular reason except that he was one of the lamest guy's I'd ever had the burden of entertaining. The date was terrible. I mean, so terrible I forgot how terrible it was. I tried to look back in my posts to see if I had mentioned him... and low-and-behold, the date was SO BAD, I wrote the post "Worst Date Ever" when I got home. 

      Men have to know there's an expiration date on my phone number. The first reason is because you can't just call me up when you get bored. Do you really think that after months of not speaking, I'd still be interested? Really, it all depends on the chemistry between us. If we sort of... fell off, then sure.  You can call. I might even want you to call. But if you took me out on one date and couldn't get me to pick up your phone calls after that, it's expired, pal.  Secondly, as a man, you should preserve your pride. That post was written on July 27th, 2010. Which means that this Saturday will be the four month anniversary of me not liking him.

      You never get the phone call you're waiting for. The one you daydream about where he confesses that he fell in love with you, too and that you should just give it a try. He'll do anything if only you'll be his and only his. I know that only happens in the magical world of Disney but my wish to be someone's princess is so strong it's almost tangible. Day after day I live this Cinderella story and I just keep waiting and waiting for the ball. But no one ever announces the date.  No one even mentions it around me. I spend my days laboring in solitude. Hoping. Wishing.

    I was so disappointed with that phone call. When he called back at 11:15pm that night (twice), I could only feel anger. Anger that the one I want doesn't want me. Another case of "The One That Got Away," I suppose.

     How long will I sit and wait for his call? Because no matter how much I lie to myself and pretend that I don't think about him, he infiltrates my thoughts. He owns them. He walks through my mind as if he owns the place. Unlike anyone else though, I allow him to. He makes me smile in the middle of the day and doesn't know it. He soothes me to sleep during lonely nights. & When I think of him, he makes me heart beat. Now I don't really know what I'm feeling and this can be the lust you feel for any guy who's a the top of your list. If you Ellas are anything like me, the list changes in a moment's notice. I might hate him next week. It's possible. But... At least I have someone to think of, even if he's not thinking of me.

    I've been reading Eat, Pray, Love for about two months now. Simply because I have to be in the same place as she is to get through the book. I have to be able to mentally connect. I came across a part where the author and a friend are talking about soul mates (the author can't stop thinking about her ex because she thought he was "the one") which is funny because I just wrote the post "Does Everyone Get a Soul Mate?" a little over a week ago. The friend goes on to explain "people think a soulmate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. A true soulmate it a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back,t he person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too Painful. Soul mates, they come into your lief just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can't let this one go. It's over..." (149)

       I hate it when books speak to me. But I love when books speak to me. _________ did show me another part of myself. He showed me that I can care. That I can be faithful. That I can be trusted. That I can be a woman. He's not the only one who's shown me myself though. Maybe I was meant to meet all the men I've dealth with because I've surely learned from all of them (and they're all out of my life). Life is supposed to just happen. Maybe love is supposed to just happen, too. Maybe it's not meant to last. But we chase  it with fervor and without regard to anything else. It envelops us. Maybe I should be grateful for the little bit of time we had and not dwell on it so much... Maybe I should realize that __________'s number might have an expiration date, too.

(Then comes in the evil thoughts...)

But what if it doesn't? What if I'm wrong? What if he wants me like I want him but he's too afraid that I don't like him? What if I'm pushing him away? What if he finds someone else? What if I'm too late? But if he really liked me he would call right? So he can't like me. But he had to like me. I know he liked me because.... I just know. But what if he didn't? And I'm sitting here thinking about him while he's going about his day running up I all those sleazy girls that comment on his Facebook pictures...& they sleazy. I know because I checked each profile that wasn't private. & I know I'm not the only one who does this... i just want to make sure he doesn't... love anyone. That's there's still a chance. That maybe one day in some crazy sort of happenstance, we might run into each other and try again. That maybe he might be looking at my page too & when I put up a new profile picture, I wonder what he thinks of it.  I wonder... I wonder.... a lot. Often. Too, often.

fucckk. 

The One That Got Away.

        Some people the call me crazy for falling in love with you. They can take me and lock me away, Baby. Cuz there's nothing those bars can do. I'll  be the rising moon after the setting sun. Just to let you know you'll have someone. I'll be the clearest day when the rain is done so you'll always know. Through the shake of an earthquake I will never fall. That's how strong my love is. 

Alicia Keys- That's How Strong My Love Is. 

I still think about him. 

       I can't stop myself from comparing every guy I come across to him. When I think about the kind of guy I'm looking for, I've... honestly.. and literally just said, " I want _______." My friends will know who I'm talking about. Others will guess. Most will have no idea, and some might think I'm talking about them. But I'm pretty sure _______ doesn't read this. I mean, we aren't Facebook friends. We aren't friends at all.  I wouldn't say that we're enemies, but there is so much nothing between us. At least on my end. 

      He fit the mold. He was what I wanted. Even his imperfections were ones I thought were absolutely flawless. The funny thing about it all is... I barely knew him. & He barely knew me. But there was something about laying in his arms that was absolutely incredible. I shivered at his touch. I yearned for his kiss. Even the silence with him was perfect. But it must have all been one-sided. He probably doesn't think of me. I was probably nothing to him. I replay the times we spent together and can't help but to wince thinking  about the should haves, would haves.... could haves... I just don't know what happened. I don't know where things went wrong... but I'm kind of glad they did. 

          I don't think we would have lasted. If we went full force into what we might be meant to be, we'd have ended up crashing. I don't think I'm what he's looking for right now. But I know that I will be eventually. He's the only man I've met in so long that actually deserved my respect. And as much as I might talk about taking men for their money... I wanted nothing from him. I'd have given him my every cent. There's something about his heart.

       I think he knows how to love. 

      And that's what attracted me to him the most. I felt like if I were to give him my all, he would return it ten-fold. I've never met a man like that. I come across dozens of liars day-by-day whose only concern is to get me into bed. When I let _______ into my bed, he lay with me and needed nothing more... There was always that thought of, Will he stay around? that crowded my mind the entire time I was involved with him. And he did. For a while.  But somehow there was... and is... a part of me that would give him everything. I'd..... love him? I know that sound bizarre, but until you come across a man who truly deserves love... you might not understand. A man like that makes you want to be a woman. A man who is respected by his friends, loved by his family, and confident in himself. A man who doesn't need you. A man who is wanted by all. If a man like that chooses you, you do what you can. I've only really (honestly & openly) talked about him to one person, Katelynn. Because I knew she would just... listen. I needed to talk to someone who would listen. "Hold onto him," she said. "I'm trying..." was all I could say. 

      And there's nothing special I can tell you about him. I can't tell you about the fancy things he wears of buys or what he has because... I never truly paid attention. I just wanted to be around him. I wanted to know how his day was going. We didn't have too many in depth conversations but all I wanted was to know him. We didn't have the chance nor the opportunity to move further. To build. To make up for petty arguments. To put the past aside. To give things a chance. We didn't even talk about those things. We talked... but mostly, I was overwhelmed with his presence. And that rarely happens. 

       Because I felt like he was a good man, it made me a better woman. He might not be aware of it, but he changed me. I wanted to be the woman he wanted. That he needed. There are things you can notice about a man behind closed doors. Simply by their demeanor and more so the look in their eyes. He needed love (for more reasons than I can explain here). I knew he just needed someone to care about him. To make him feel like he was worth it. To be on someone's mind. Truthfully, there was probably someone else on him mind the entire time he and I were involved, but I didn't care. I knew he was hurting and all I wanted to do was make him...feel good. And not sexually as most women think we have to please men, but emotionally. Simply by being there. I wanted to be there for him. He rarely told me what was on his mind... but I wanted to know. I wanted to know what hurt him. What plagued him. What concerned him. I wanted to know the workings of his mind. I wanted to be the one he could talk to. I wanted to know what he was feeling. How he was doing. I never asked where he was or what he was doing... I didn't want to know any of that. I care about him. Not whoever was chasing after him. And I think that's what allowed us to last as long as we did, with the circumstances we encountered. I really just wanted to know he was doing alright... and that he had thought of me. I've never gotten a "Good Morning beautiful" text message that made me smile more than his. Everyday I wish he would send me just one more. 

      Maybe I got caught up. Maybe I'm making it out to be more than it actually was. I mean, it's really possible... But I really hope not. I really hope not. Part of the reason I don't involve myself with these men out here is because they're broke... the other part is because I really only want ________.  If he didn't or doesn't  feel the same about me, that's perfectly fine. I'm adult enough to know a lost cause and I won't spend a lifetime (or even a second) chasing him. But I know that it would be amazing if we could pick this up 5 years from now. When he realizes there aren't many real women out there.  When he remembers me. When I'll be in a place to show him I'm a woman and he'll be able to show me that he's a man. For now, we're just kids. Text messaging and AIM conversations. There's nothing much for us to do. I don't even want to speak to him until we're in a place to take it further. 

           Until then, I still play this pretend game and hold onto his pretend heart. Because if he ever does come calling, I'll be ready. If he doesn't, I'll be perfectly fine. For now I'll say I want _______, until one day when I find someone better. Until then, he's The One That Got Away from my "The Four Men; A Religion of Love" post. 

Someday. 

         

You Gotta Pay to Play.

 Standing on my monopoly board. That means I'm on top of my game. Eminem, "No Love"

       "You only think this food is good because it's expensive," he said from across the table. He was half upset that I picked this place out for our Valentine's day dinner. I'd made it a point to get a good dinner out of him since he was so bent on being cheap. When I was with him I pretty much had to "save up" my points and prove I deserved to be taken out to dinner. Special occasions and holidays. He was more like a stingy parent than a boyfriend.

       So I decided that if he was going to act like a parent, I was going to treat him like one. You know how you buy the affordable stuff for yourself, but you ask your parents for the things you can't afford? Especially while you're in college. Normal college kids don't go out to eat or eat a full, nutritional meal until your parents come to visit for Parent's Day Weekend. If you're not familiar with Parent's Day Weekend, it's like Thanksgiving in college --food and family-- except you don't have to go home. If you're a female, you have a second source for meals: Men. I made us reservations at Mama's on the Half Shell. They don't have a website, but if you click that link, you'll see that this place is top rated. I mean, top 10 at times because the food is that good.  It's really not that expensive though. I mean... my meal always is because I'm the type of girl who orders a steak, medium well with lobster tail on top. Plus an appetizer. And a drink. And a juice. And a desert. And the place isn't fancy. There's a hardcore bar with flat screens that play nothing but  ESPN  and art littering the wall. No need to dress up for this place.  But the food really is good. They have these potatoes skins with lump crab and cheese on top. If you can have these on the regular, you don't need sex. Honestly.

         In New York City, price matters more than anything else. You really do get what you pay for even if the prices are outrageous. IT's just that, here, "cheap" has a different definition than it does anywhere else. The first way you learn this fact about The Big Apple is when you take on the task of looking for places. Simply put, THE RENT IS TOO DAMNED HIGH. You have to be blessed to find a studio in the city for under $1000. Those who know me, know I'm fond of the word "thousand", but I'm not quite prepared to pay that in rent. For $1180 a month (heat, hot water & electric included) I can get this view:

       Now isn't that worth it? It's not the greatest angle... and that's not my real apartment so, feel free to judge. But I'm not from here. They say flashing lights ain't for everybody... but they're for somebody. I'm not going to lie, I'm just excited to be here. In this city. Where I can listing to Hot 97 at any given moment and the subway (as dirty as it might be) will take me anywhere my heart desires. Sometimes, it feels like I'm bragging about it but... it's only because already feel like "Mama, I made it." I'm not going to get a head of my self, and believe me, this place isn't anything fancy and I'm certainly not a baller. It's in Harlem. 145th & Lenox. Not the greatest area. But there's something about moving to New York that seems like the beginning of a really good movie (I wonder which one...wink wink!).

      Thing is, where I'm from, nobody leaves. I remember I was in the 8th grade and had just been accepted to Moses Brown School --the best worst thing that ever happened to me. I was sitting in Geography/History class (you know a school system is broken when you have to combine courses) when this lady (she was an aid for the handicapped kid in our class) asked me why I was going to Moses Brown instead of Central Falls High School. "I went there," she said. All one really needs to do it click those links to see why I'd chose a leading private school over a failing public school to see why. When she asked me why though all that went through my mind was, "I don't want to be like you." Let me just say there are some Central Falls High graduates who are doing/will do much better than I am. But there are a small selection. My own sister is one of those people. But it takes a certain type of personal and relentless vigor to push yourself through a system like that and I'm sure the select few will agree with that. I didn't have that in me. I couldn't push the school. I needed my school to push me.

      My education has made me more valuable. Technically, I've been paying college tuition for the past 8 years.  I've cost $27,000 a year from 2002-2006 and $38,000 (plus $9,600 room & board) from 2006-2010.  I mean, I'm worth $298,400 at least. I just had lunch with my cousin and as I replayed all the things I was saying to myself... I sound like a pure bred gold-digger. But are Louis Vuitton pumps golddiggers? I mean, this LV wedge boot won't quit staring at me and saying $1,230. I don't do that. Or do I? Well I don't huff and puff at the price tags on certain things because I know that the quality of the product will be better. The better a product is made, the more the company has to charge you in order to cover costs. The more they charge you, the better the product because, now, the customer has a right to complain. Listen, I'll be god-damned the leather starts to peel on some LV pumps & don't let them hurt my little toe.  

      I'm worth the expense, too. There's been a lot of time and money put into this product (Ahem! ME!). For all the work I've been into myself, companies will get a solid worker with experience and capability. Likewise a man will at least get a highly educated woman who is doing well for herself. At least he won't have to take care of me (unless he wants to). But the same way you need to get your shoes shined and you purse cleaned everyone once in a while. Or how a car needs a tune up and a wax job. I'm also in need of maintenance. I at least need my hair and nails did. I think man should be willing to do that. I tried to get my ex (same dude mentioned above) to kick in for the hair expenses. "If you look like this, I'll pay for you to get your hair done every month," he said with fingers in my hair. I had just gotten my hair blow out by (the very rare) Dominicans in Baltimore. I won't front, he kicked in to get my hair done after that... ONCE. What happens when you stop getting your oil changed? When you stop shining those shoes? When you don't rotate the tires? When you keep your purse on the floor? You ruin the product. You didn't maintain. Your car blows up. Your purse falls apart. Your girl leaves you. 

      "You gotta just do you," my cousin said to me today. "Man, I'm trying marry me a Giants player," I responded. I alway pick the local team to make my gold-diggeing seem a little more feasible. In Baltimore I wanted a Raven, while in Rhode Island I just wanted to leave the state because we have real no team of our own.) But I'm not focused on men. I assured my cousin of that as I tried to assure myself. I'll admit, I get lonely in this big city. And I really just want someone to take me out to see the flashing lights. Have you ever watched fireworks alone? I have. There's nothing more solitary in the world. There's not a single action that can make you realize how alone you are more than to watch explosions in the sky when your heart is barely beating. 

      You might all read these posts and think I'm cold hearted. Part of me is. Like I said today, I have no remorse. I will spend ALL of a man's money if he lets me. Because his heart and his money shouldn't be the same thing. The this is with "Him" is that he allows me to play with his money but somehow doesn't let me play him. I like that. Because money is nothing and everything all in the same breath. If a man won't share his money, will he share his heart? And how much of his heart is on the table if he can't even put up the starting bid? 

      I'm looking for high-rollers, baby. Men who understand the stakes and know that bets at this table are approaching commas. No one holding a winning hand should be afraid to go all in. I don't barter with bluffers. That's why I've raised the stakes and uped the ante. He's got to either call or raise. But I always raise. Either a man has enough chips to bet. Or he doesn't. There is no in between.  If a man is unwilling to put up and invest, you might want to rethink being his partner. He might have a losing  hand. 

We all play games. My game is just better. 

    

World Wide Woman.

I'm a world wide woman, you can log on anywhere. My love will take you there. Beyonce "World Wide Woman"


Because this was a requested topic, there are 2 posts for discussion... this one is more why I okay'd a long distance relationship ("thing"). The other post, "Far [Fetched] Love" is more on how to make one work. 

     What I really meant to say  in the last post was... I could do it.  I would do it. I even want to do it. I know this because I sort of did do it. 

     When he was gone, I stayed faithful. I ignored the emotions. I overlooked the insecurities and he didn't even have to ask me to.  I did it because I know how. My last blog, "Far [Fetched] Love" goes into further detail on the hows... In this blog, I'll explain the whys:

     First off, I talked about my summer "thing" in the previous post, but let me clarify what it really was. He was a guy that I thought was... very attractive. He measured up well on both my genuine and superficial charts we all measure people against. Because of this, I deemed him worth it. Worth hanging around for. This first part of any long distance relationship is deciding whether or not its even worth waiting.  From the start, he let me know that he wouldn't be around and he rarely had time and, for me, it was perfect. And so it began and he left. We exchanged at least one text message a day, which made me feel like he was thinking of me. And really, that's all I wanted this summer... a bit of attention. To feel like someone, somewhere --anywhere --was thinking of me.  

Loneliness is what gets you. 

     This summer, I worked full-time. When I wasn't at work, I'd write, read, exercise, knit... anything to keep my mind off of being lonely. To have a good long distance relationship, you have to okay with spending a whole lot of time alone. You have to stay busy. The more you entertain yourself, the less time you have to concern yourself with what the other person is doing. If you can't be alone, don't do it to yourself. This is something you have to admit to yourself. Be honest, some people need the other person always around. It's not a bad thing, you just have to be real with yourself so you can be real with the other person.

      You have to want that person without needing them. This is why in the last post, I say that you "have to be in the right place personally for it to work ". You have to have a life of your own & entertain yourself. If you are in a long distance relationship, most likely, it is because someone is chasing a dream; a goal. For it to work, you have to have goals of your own. I was ok with the summer "thing" because I didn't need him. I was looking for a job. I didn't plan on being around much either. I was ready to chuck the deuces to Rhode Island the minute I got a job offer (which I did & did). If you're the one going away, the other person should understand your goals and fully support you along the way. 

     I was a long-distance relationship with my two best friends for four years. Even when we didn't speak, I knew they supported my every move. No matter where I end up, they don't question where I am and what I'm doing because they know it's something I have to do. Now, I know friendship isn't the same as a relationship, but it's a relationship nonetheless. And if you're in a relationship where you aren't equals, and don't value each other as equals, as friends, it won't last whether you're near or far. 

      I'd do it. But let me bear my truth to you. I'd do it for... an NBA/NFL/MLB player... (you pick the acronym) or business man who travels. Ok... I felt the eye rolls so let me explain. I'm an adult. With a full-time job so I'd require the same of my man. If he's away that much, there has to be a reason for it. The aforementioned men are the only one's who travel. "Business man" though, includes any job that requires travel but also pays very well. If he's making money, Honey, let his ass WORK and bring home that check. Never come between a man and his money unless you're at the register. Yes, girl. Update your Facebook/AIM/Twitter right now. Go ahead. 

     With that said... for the younger readers: I'd never do long distance for someone who is going away to college. Do you know how many people you meet? How many parties there are? You need to live college. & if you're boo is going away to college, they'll live college even if you don't. Oh & let the jail birds go. Ella don't accept collect calls. 

     I don't care what people say: People will tell you you're insane to wait --stupid, dumb, wasting your time and that he's probably fucking other girls. I don't listen to anyone. My friends tried to tell me to break the summer "thing" off. That he was "gaming" me. That I was going to get hurt. & I'll admit, it wasn't all roses (obviously since the summer "thing" quickly fell to fall) but I had a good time.  I know all too well that misery loves company and I refused to let myself work that way. I took a Gloria Govan type of role and simply didn't talk about the "thing" or things he said or things he did. I kept him to myself.  Oddly enough, the "thing" actually didn't fall off until he came back home. Maybe I'm better long-distance (he sure was. lol). 

     So I'd do a long-distance relationship with the right guy because I'm ready for it. I can be alone, be happy and be trusted. I couldn't always. But I can now. I guess what I'm saying is, that if my summer "thing" guy had asked me to do it... I would have... & that's what hurt the most about the entire ordeal. (sheesh... the truth sucks.)