Far [Fetched] Love

Still I left you for months on end, it's been months since I've checked back in. Well, somewhere in a small town, somewhere locking the mall down --wood grain, four and change, Armor All'd down --I can understand why you want a divorce now -- Jay-Z,  "Song Cry"

Because this was a requested topic, there are 2 posts for discussion... this one is more how a long distance relationship can work. The other post, "World Wide Woman" is more on why sort of chose to get into one.  
But this is the original piece (& I'm only one person), so expect the blogs to be somewhat similar. 

But it can work, right? 

That's what they say? That if you really try and make the effort, it can work.  Love is supposed to endure the tests of distance and time. But does it ever? That's the real problem. The only long-distance relationships I've known to last are... man... I've got nothin'. You? But then again, I don't know too many people truly in love either. Still, if Nicholas Sparks couldn't make a long-distance relationship last in Dear John, I don't know if us real life, regular folk have a chance. 

I'm going to be honest with you, though. I've never really tried. I've rarely made the effort to maintain a face-to-face relationship, never mind one that's long distance. It's not that I can't, I've just never found anyone worth it enough although I've had men tell me they wanted to hold on. Example: the boyfriend I had when I first went off to school (8 hours away) practically stalked me...  actually, literally stalked me. But I kept him around because he'd put money in my bank account and bring me snacks in bulk when he came to visit.  Ok, ok... that's really shallow but let me explain. 

I was worth it. 

He was a regular.... nigga (sorry, there is no other word) from the hood and I was a young girl on her way to college. A girl who lived with him that summer, cleaned for him, cooked for him, listened to him, encouraged him. I was his woman. 

But on my end, he was a guy I had had a crush on for ages. He was cute. He had a place of his own and I hated my mother. He had money and I didn't feel like working --with him, I didn't have to. I had a good time with him, but that's all it was. 

There's one problem with relationships in general: you can't read each other's minds. You don't really know how deep a person is in love with you if at all. Trust me. When I was younger, my friends and I used to give each other deadlines: one deadline to get him, the other to make him say "I love you." It typically takes me 2-3 months. [Please keep in mind, this isn't vanity or bragging. I'm just bearing my ugly truths to you. & people who know me  read these blogs so I can't lie even if I want to.] 

If both of you aren't willing to make it work, it won't. If you have to convince the other person, it won't work. & really, there's no way to gauge that because... well, people lie. Even & especially to the people they love. 

Words mean nothing. That's why long-distance is hard. All you have to go off of is their words. (Or you can Skype or iChat if your technologically with the times.) There remains that thought of, Is he/she really doing what they said? Where are they really? Who are they with? Aren't they lonely, too? These are all valid questions, but the minute these invade your mind... you're overcome with doubt and fear. Doubt & fear are strong feelings -- feelings people feel towards God, so no mortal can possibly be exempt. 

There are ways to make it more likely to work, though. I was in a... thing... this summer where I saw this one guy maybe once a month. I didn't talk to anyone else, not because he asked me not to, but because I didn't want to. He was worth it (I thought, lol). The way I dealt over that time was to not even think about what he was doing. I didn't clock watch or ask him where he was or why he hadn't called. I was confident that he would call.

If you want to do long-distance, you have to be ready to ignore infidelity. How do you think the Basketball Wives do it? They know... they just weigh their options. Sorta of like Ashanti's "Good, Good." If he loves you, he'll come back, so why worry about it? I'm not saying one should accept infidelity, just saying that cheating shouldn't take up all your mind space. No one likes accusations, no matter if they're true or not. & it just puts more stress on you. The key is to have respect. If he/she is messing around and everybody's seeing it & telling you about it, there's no respect. If he/she does something & you never find out... well, you never found out. BREAKING NEWS: Humans like sex. Both males & females. But females, I personally think that you need to deal with more than a man does. It's more socially acceptable for him to cheat (that's a topic for a whole other blog). Let's put it this way... girls take back men who cheat, men don't. So, either you trust each other or you don't. If you do, go for it. If you don't, break up. Period.

You also both have to be in the right place personally for it to work: for the young & inexperienced, this won't work. You will go to the club... a lot. You will  meet many many new people, including new friends. If you haven't finished living your single life --like completely finished, like... sit "home & knit", rather read a book on a Friday night finished-- then, no. A long-distance relationship will not work for you. 

If you do it, make it worth it. With my summer thing, I didn't make it "worth it" because he wasn't my man... but if he had been ;) You're significant other doesn't want to have a bad time when they finally see you, because it just feels like, This is what I'm holding on to? Now, I'm not saying sex per-say but... just a good time is all. For example, I was a back-massage & breakfast type of girl. Remind that person why they are keeping themselves for you. Make yourself worth it.

So, I(really)DK. I think that with the right guy, I could do it right for him. But would he do it right for me? Even now, I partially hope that my summer thing will come back. I've had private conversations with myself about waiting for him until the next time we meet again. I know that's dumb... but when you think someone's worth it... everything you do is dumb. It's a gamble you have to assess and wage according to your personal standards, beliefs and experience. What I've written here is simply my take. 

Would I do it? Yes, for the right man. & only because I've had my fun & in the right place in my life for it. 

Would've came back for you. I just needed time to do what I had to do. Caught in the life. I can't let it go. Whether that's right, I will never know... but here goes nothin'. - Drake in Rick Ross's "Aston Martin Music"