On Staying Faithful

       

Corinthians 7:8-11

          If you ever hear me pick up the phone and say, "Wassup, yo!?" it's probably my mom. & If I'm speaking to my mom, the very last thing we'll speak about is my "dating" situation. Nobody I know gives a damn who's in my bed -- except for Duchess.

       It's not that I don't meet men, it's that I meet too many. They come via whatever network will allow them to filter in. Having my phone cut off has been a blessing. I meet so many guys after I perform/model who'll want to talk about "doing a track" or something, but when I tell them to email me, I never hear from them. When I used to give out my number, all I'd get would be "hey" messages distracting me in the middle of my work day. Now, they just tell me to check my DMs or my inbox so they can privately ask me things they don't really care about. I've been thinking lately about the opportunities I don't allow. Maybe I'm tough to get to. Maybe my expectations are too high, but... I want to be dated. I don't want to pretend you're interested in me so you can squeeze in conversations about how amazing you think I am, hoping to add on "in bed". I know what you want. Enver's little sister ain't no dummy.

A Guide to Victory

   

  "I'm confused as to what happens next," CJ commented. 

     "So I am I," I responded with a laugh, because that was all I could do. When you can't cry, you gotta laugh, yo. I went home last weekend both selfish and selfless reasons. My mom fractured her ankle (and traded in the brace for Chinese oils) so I wanted to make sure she sat down somewhere. When your body feels worn, sometimes what you need is love. She's all I've got, so I try to be there for her on whatever level I can. To take advantage of my time tho, I hit my n*gga Harvey --now known as King Cooper -- to see if we could make a track work. I'll be performing again at the Paul Robeson Theatre. Not sure what I want to do yet, but I'm always trying to share the stage with the homies.

XMas Presents/Presence

 

When things aren't perfect, we forget that they can be.

This year, my whole family couldn't be together because we couldn't be together. The individual reasons are important because they all exist -- each one of these reasons was big enough to keep us apart. Each of these reasons are to blame for keeping my from one big Christmas under one big tree everyone forgets to compliment due to the gross amount of gifts beneath it. These reasons are what I work against every day I succeed in opening my eyes. The worst part about tough times is that you fail to see it could be worse. & if you do understand it could be worst, it makes you insensitive... which could be worse.

I don't know what it is about me, but people love me. Especially when they wish they wouldn't. I've heard it attributed to my being an inclusive Aries, but maybe it's because I love them, first. I hate that feeling, when you walk in a room and you worry what a person thinks of you --so I've let that feeling go. Every time I walk in a room I smile. I'm me and happy to be such. You never need to wonder what people think of you, because you probably already know. We see our "flaws" the clearest --the defining factor is if YOU consider it a flaw. The things we think about ourselves are what hinder us most. Once you've given up on yourself, you've lost. I love me & I don't give a f*ck how anyone feels about it. & I don't concern myself with anyone else... so I have no feelings about anyone else. I be chillin.