I Got A Boyfriend Now.

Got a man that I think I'm gon' love forever. & forever, we;ll be together. No matter where he goes, I'll be thinkin' of him I'm gonna love him. I'm gonna love him. 

-Eve, "Gotta Man"

& His name is Ladanian Tomlinson. 

     He has the type of name you have to say real slow. & Every letter. like.... you gotta listen to the brotha when he talks. So that's why I looked him up. (Beside the fact that  he's getting all this press on My 9.)

      And booooooooooy am I happy.  The first picture I clicked was this one... All in his cool guy attire. & around the shades, he wasn't too bad lookin...but you never know.  He could have the Diddy syndrome. You know how they look good with shades on, but in reality they hiding a lazy eye that makes him look like he was born too soon. (In my opinion, Diddy's face wasn't finished cookin when he came out the womb.) With the flashy shades and appropriatley sized studs in his ears... I had to ask myself, "Do I really think he's cute?" I mean... I have the tendency to equate flashy with attractive. (I'm working on that. Promise...). 

     And then I saw the picture you see above :) He might need another one :) Regardless of what you all might think (since each of us has a different "type"), the arms on this man make me melt. & ok... so he might look a little bit like a pit bull in that picture.. but I like 'em mean. lol. & If that is a lazy eye... maybe it's a work-related injury. I'm pretty sure we can let that slide. Whatever.. all I know is that that is was a man looks like. 

      So I've been walking around like I got me a new boo. Sadly, this is how I entertain myself... rather, distract myself. I mean... If I'm sitting around "waiting," might as well pretend it's for this guy.  Sex has been a big [huge] issue for me lately and a constant topic of conversation. I was on the phone with my love, Carl, last night & obviously, the convo veered to what it usually does: Company. 

     I say "Company" because I think this phrase more accurately describes what I'm looking for.  If you've read my posts "I Don't Sex" or "Celibate and the City" you already know my reasons for abstaining.  Still, even though  I  wrote those blogs, sometimes, I have to reread them to myself so I can really understand why I aint gettin none. They way I see it, the opportunities are there... and it's been so long that maybe if I made a quick phone call, I could pretend it never happened. Unfortunately, men are the only ones who can pretend. We can all deny... but there's no escaping the fact that every time a woman has sex, her... shit... stretches. (I'm not sure there's any other way to phrase that.) I had my own way of saying it, but Carl's sister perfected the thought: Why waste this elasticity on the next man when I can save it for someone who deserves it?  Word.

     I've considered the options. I've turned down opportunities. My ideal date would end with a movie in bed (with popcorn, M&Ms, Dibs & Sourpatch Kids --Just cuz we aint going to the movies, don't mean you get off scot-free). So, while I lay in bed and watch My 9, I wish there were someone here with me... but in reality... at least I get to go straight to bed. Especially on a tired night. I've got no one pushing and pulling trying to touch and feel or whatever. Whenever I consider what it'd be like to have someone over... I get turned off by all the inevitable groping and kissing and... I'm really just not for it. I want to be passed it all. I just want to lay. I mean... do we have to go through that stage? All over each other like 15-year-olds at a bus stop? My biggest concern is having to push it off. How do I tell a guy before he comes over that he ain't getting none & really I don't even feel like kissing? I feel like... if he knows he won't cum, he won't come... but then again do I care?

Nah... You're right. I don't.

     & The descision has been made. If I'm gonna be stuck with a man who won't take me out & has nothing to say... I might as well unofficially date Ladanian (OMG... isn't his name appetizing?) Yup. I got me a boyfriend now :) My boo is gonna be playin for the Jets so he can only be but so far away. Whatever... I'd rather live in my fantasy as Mrs. Tomilinson than pretend to be impressed by the rest of these fools.