When's the last time you went on a legit date?
Just read this article on NYTimes.com entitled, "The End of Courtship," in which the author, Alex Williams, writes that there is almost no such thing as dating anymore. Once upon a time, a guy would call a girl and ask her if he could pick her up at a reasonable hour and take her somewhere impressive. Nowadays, guys might invite you out for a drink where he's already invited two or three other girls. Alex's article claims that it's due to our generation's "hook up" culture. I say, it has more to do with the fact that most people don't really deserve sh*t and the rest of them don't expect it.
Fact of the matter is, if you don't expect a date, a guy won't give it to you. Times is tough. Not only do most of these fools lack proper instructions on how to treat a lady, they also lack proper funds to afford one. "You can't afford a girlfriend," I've said too many times and bruised too many hearts. On November 3rd. 2011 I answered an Ask Ella post for "How Do I Get Real Dates?" and my opinion remains. The only way to get dates is to expect them. The reason, I believe, women don't get as many dates as they once did is simple: most women don't deserve dates. "Even in an era of ingrained ambivalence about gender roles, however,
some women keep the old dating traditions alive by refusing to accept
anything less," wrote Williams & I say I've got to agree.
What you expect and what you deserve are two different things unless you've consciously made the effort to make them one in the same. Some relationships are dating based. The two want to be seen out together. Sometimes, it's all a big show. Some n*ggas will ask you out to dinner because you look like the type they'd want across the table from them --that's not always a bad thing. Attraction is a positive characteristic of a relationship. On a very Jay&Beyonce note, it's funnest to go out with people who compliment your look. Going out on dates in important in that that person becomes your partner in crime. You've got to be comfortable with who your partner is on all levels. No... "you rich, take the doo-rag off" or he might turn around and drop you back off --which is perhaps the best thing he could do, since obviously, you aren't of the same cloth.
On the other hand, there's some women like the girl I used to be: Just wanted to be taken out. Just to get out the house. N*ggas get tired of that real fast, though. The truth behind it is that when you don't like someone, they're a lot more bearable in public than when you have to pretend to like them in private. To some, being taken out and having money spent on them is the ultimate goal of a "relationship". But see... when you get passed the original reasons for the date, the dating disappears. When the guys who wanted to sit across the table from you can just as easily do it in bed, or on his couch, you can forget about the dinner table. & then, when you feel emotionally unsatisfied, the hunger will kick back in & you've got to sit back down to lame conversation just to get some food in your stomach. When you've sat down to a meal with someone you enjoy, that person will be likely to invite you back. I know a girl who said she feels uncomfortable "making" a guys spend money on her and I used to feel that same way. Then I realized that money ain't shit. & no matter how much the plate costs, it's really just food. & If spending money upsets someone... you need to wait for them to get in a place where it doesn't. Someone who is unstable financially --and allows that to dictate their emotions for you and actions towards you -- is simply unstable and should be left alone until they've got their sh*t together.
No one wants to waste their time or money --and that's usually what we do in "dating". "Courting" though, rings differently for me. I do believe you need to sit for a meal with that person. If you couldn't eat breakfast, lunch and dinner across the table from that person, that's not the person you need to be there with. Sometimes, we try to make the "right" move with just any person just to see how it might turn out. This is the scary part of inviting a girl out to dinner, not knowing if she deserves it. I understand why most guys are hesitant. & it's not that a hoe will always be a hoe, it's that if that woman doesn't truly love you, she never will. Taking a girl out to dinner shouldn't be a "treat" and it shouldn't be a way in her pants. It should be because she truly deserves it: a night off her feet, to be catered to and treated like a queen. Some men think of this in the complete opposite: If I buy her dinner, will she buy me dinner? & I think this fucks you all up. If you want someone to do the exact thing to you that you do for them, you might be dating the wrong sex, or the wrong person. I am not the 50/50 type. I want each person to do their own jobs. If there are things you need a woman to do, you have the right to expect those. For example, if I cook & clean for this fool, he should take out the trash & treat me to a good meal on the weekend.
William's article thinks that nonchalant dating has ruined "courtship". I think it's the same as it has always been... it's just realer now. People just pretend less. Whores and Dogs have "equal rights" now & are closing in on being the majority, if they haven't already taken the crown. If you're sitting and waiting to be cared about, you're ruining life for yourself. I think our biggest mistake is in thinking we cant get exactly what we want. In old times, everyone would act the same way: Respectful. Now, as true ladies and gentlemen are few and far between, They aren't often seen, but they stick out like sore thumbs when they show up. You shouldn't have to force a thing from these fools. What women need to do is sit down and relax somewhere. If a man doesn't want to take you on a date, he doesn't want to. I think men should stick tho their guns. You really shouldn't love these hoes because when a woman gets tired of not being treated like a lady, it only forces her to do better for herself. & real recognize one another... if things are moving slow, it shouldn't be an issue on either part. Ladies, if he's making you wait, give him the same honor. If you force that date, you've forced everything. Now the link is unnatural and set to fall apart eventually. As years go one, women get all this freedom but can't mentally free themselves. You're ability to study and progress as far as your male counterpart isn't set to distract you from him, rather to prepare yourself for a better him. Now you can relax and move with ease. You don't have to marry early because there is so much that you can do for yourself as an individual. And when that time does come, you can choose to be with that person at your own choosing. You can lead with your own heart. It seems like all the pressure has been "lifted" so we've put it back on ourselves.
When you allow a man to "court" you, you force him to prove to you that he wants you most. Without your having to say say, who will make you the happiest? Therein lies the true keys of love and happiness. To truly love and care for someone, you should do for each other what needs and deserves to be done without having to force/think/hesitate. Love is love is love. So if you're sitting waiting for a guy to invite you somewhere, truth is, he doesn't want you there. Allow men to court you. To prove themselves worthy. When you stop forcing or expecting, then you'll see who is willing to do what.
Question 1: What will you do without my having to ask?
Question 2: How long will you keep it up?
Reevaluate ladies.
Everyone knows we run the world.
Act like it & get yours.
ELLA <3
