30 Minutes of Truth

11:25pm

Let's see what I can do in this short amount of time. So much more than they think I'm capable of, I guarantee. That's usually the case, anyway. The thing about me is, I work best under pressure in a room full of strangers. You see, it's easier to take out people you've never seen before. Faces you can't put feelings to. Everyday I go to work, I feel like I'm ready for battle. I have to look better, dress better, think better work better. & work with some talented individuals. It's funny how people fail to see brilliance when you have too much character. They think the quiet girl in the class is the smart one, but really she just doesn't know what the fuck is going on. I was always talking. My work been done, Miss. If you don't give me work, I'll find something to do. It may make a mess, but I'm certain it's a brilliant one. Sometimes, my best prose is when I'm only partially here. So I only partially exist in your world. People require far too much. I can only be in conversation for so long before I start thinking of the other shit I have to think of. There's no time to waste. There is shit to be done. I worked 9:30am - 8:30pm on Thursday and Friday. (Obviously, I'm a fuckin' party animal.) Then, it seems I lost out on quality time because I work too late. That also translates to I make too much money. & If I don't now, I certainly will someday. I apologize if I've disappeared again but, when money calls I come running. When it's time to finish the race, I make sure I'm at the front of the line. 

You've got to prioritize. Some shit doesn't matter even if it does. & especially not just because it used to. Shit gets old. People too. Unfortunately, some shit just falls to the bottom of the list and/or loses worth. I've driven myself to the insane asylum again --rather I took the N/Q/R there, & they called it Tiffany's. The only cure for a broken heart, ladies, is diamonds. As I walked around the place - using my Starbucks cup as a drool-catcher -I listened to women around me complain about the things they couldn't afford and expressing their depression. I, on the other hand, was motivated. It was my first day being single (again. I catch a boyfriend every few weeks like the cold.) and I was... in need. You see, that was the real issue. Sometimes, a girl needs a little love --and is even looking forward to it. & A disappointed woman is not to be fucked with, quite frankly. Don't let an undone women become undone or it all goes awry. & That's what happened. I gave the situation a "fuck this" grade and let it go. 

11:44pm

I've learned to let people go. They'll come back if they love me, at least that's what I've heard. I have no need to keep people around when they see it fit to disrespect me. We let people get away with too much. People think they can walk over you & treat you as they see fit. I've learned to stick up for myself. No matter how much you love yourself, some people simply don't value you the way they should. They only way to get them to understand that is to leave them out in the cold. I'm trying to avoid all problems before they begin. I can't keep holding onto people because of "love" and have it turn on me in the long run. Sometimes, shit just needs to end. I need to let it go. Have you ever seen someone carry two people on their backs at once? I only have room for one & my mother's heavy enough. I can't carry people or their depression or their egos or issues with self-confidence. I can't teach friends to be friends or men to be men... but maybe I can. Maybe by treating everyone the way they should be treated, they'll act the way the should act. I'm beginning to run out of answers for certain situations. No fret. That's a good thing. This whole life shit is simply a process of elimation. As is dating. As is friendship. It's all a process of elimination. It happens, you know. Survival of the fittest and shit. 

11:49pm

I've also fallen deeper in love with myself --that's how I know it's real. I become more and  more proud of myself each day. I've given out my card to at least 3 people everyday since Friday. I know you all don't give a fuck, but that's big to me. This blog, for now, is all natural. Just like me ;) Most of you have met me somewhere or know someone who knows me. If you're lucky, you know me your damned self.  I'm not sure what people think of me when I give them my card(s), so I sorta just hand them out and keep them moving. I started giving out my work cards, too. Mostly because the blog's cards are logo-only & partially because I need you all to know that some-muthafucking-body. I'm not just anybody. Some might label it pretentious, but I'm proud of who I am and the work I put in. I'm not saying I'm the shit, but... I'm only 23.  If you've seen my card, you know there's my name & my company title. There is no title because I don't want one just yet. Not till it means something. 

11:52pm

I don't write shit if it doesn't mean something. When I write here to you, it isn't about a silly buck. It's about a million of them. If I'm going to sell my soul it better be worth something. But if I burn in hell, it won't be because I lied. This is exactly who I am. I just wanted to give you a little bit of honesty. A little bit of truth since there is so little of it out there. Just a little bit.

What can you do in 30 fuckin' minutes? lol