Black women have a tough time. She was right... men do have something against black women but... (SIDENOTE: Let's put this out ..Any man who won't date a Black woman simply because she's black does not exist to me. So...*Poof*) Who ever the girl is who wrote that to me has some underlying feelings in her own life that, while they aren't necessarily part of my day-to-day, obviously affect some women of color. It's a sad thought, that there are women out there who want nothing more than a strong Black man by their side... yet they feel like the one thing they have in in common with this man is the one reason they can't have them.
The guy I'm dating now is dark. I mean... he makes me look light skinned. But it's beautiful to me. We had had a brief conversation about this before. He claimed drak women only wanted light guys and I claimed the same of dark men. "Pretty black girls didn't like me, though," he told me. I had to sit and reflect on that. I could claim it's not true but I know that when I was young, I preferred a lighter man. They were more appealing to me. So perhaps I did turn down men based on their complexion. It made me feel sorry for him. He truly has no preference but he can't possibly date a girl who won't date him. Even sadder is how eligible this man is and, still, he gets the short end of the stick (aside from me) because of the color of his skin. The night I met him, I also met another guy (who was very light skinned). As my friends and I reviewed the night, as girls do, she called the light skinned one "young" and "cute" while my current guy was "black" and "ugly". However, I didn't let the phase me, although I see how it could. Thing is, unattractive men can look more attractive simply due to the color of their skin --same goes for females. If you added a little depth, they'd look completely different. With a black man (or woman), I think you have to actually look at the features of the person. I think a handsome Black man is far more attractive than any handsome light man. Like... Reggie Bush has got it in the bag.
Actually had a conversation about this last night but... I'm not digging any white boys and don't really think I'll end up with one. Would I date one? Sure, why not... but I'm more attracted to and, most times, more compatible with men of color. Black men, to be exact. Perhaps I am a bit abrasive. Rough around the edges. But if a man can't deal with that, that's his problem. There are plenty women of any race that are a handful. It's not just black women. If I had been white and written my posts Pretty Girl [Fight] and Round 2: Unfinished Business, what could have been said about me then? Would you still have attributed that to my race? Why is anything negative have to be representative of whatever race I am --or my skin color? & So what if Black women are more aggressive than White women. That's why there are Black men. There are men out there (I believe) made for a woman like me. I am not a lost cause and would never being to look at myself that way. If you don't like you, why would anyone else?
Point is... if any man is stupid enough to not a date a woman because of her skin color... he obviously ain't the one for me. I'm not here to convert him. I'm not going to try to make him like it. Or "get used to" it. Either a man likes me or he doesn't. Why would I sit around and complain about men who don't want me? That's a waste of time. Instead, I think you should date men who find you irresistible. They treat you better. You shouldn't have to coax your way into someone's heart. It should simply happen. I used to be upset at the men who "don't date Black girls" and wrote posts like "Oh, So You Don't Like Black Girls," but I'm sincerely over it. I just don't see the point in stressing about men who don't want me (which is what I was trying to tell the girl in Pretty Girl [Fight]). Life is too short. I'd rather give my attention to a man who loves what I look and act like.
With that said --- Next post: Attitude: You'll Never Find a Real Man.
Actually had a conversation about this last night but... I'm not digging any white boys and don't really think I'll end up with one. Would I date one? Sure, why not... but I'm more attracted to and, most times, more compatible with men of color. Black men, to be exact. Perhaps I am a bit abrasive. Rough around the edges. But if a man can't deal with that, that's his problem. There are plenty women of any race that are a handful. It's not just black women. If I had been white and written my posts Pretty Girl [Fight] and Round 2: Unfinished Business, what could have been said about me then? Would you still have attributed that to my race? Why is anything negative have to be representative of whatever race I am --or my skin color? & So what if Black women are more aggressive than White women. That's why there are Black men. There are men out there (I believe) made for a woman like me. I am not a lost cause and would never being to look at myself that way. If you don't like you, why would anyone else?
Point is... if any man is stupid enough to not a date a woman because of her skin color... he obviously ain't the one for me. I'm not here to convert him. I'm not going to try to make him like it. Or "get used to" it. Either a man likes me or he doesn't. Why would I sit around and complain about men who don't want me? That's a waste of time. Instead, I think you should date men who find you irresistible. They treat you better. You shouldn't have to coax your way into someone's heart. It should simply happen. I used to be upset at the men who "don't date Black girls" and wrote posts like "Oh, So You Don't Like Black Girls," but I'm sincerely over it. I just don't see the point in stressing about men who don't want me (which is what I was trying to tell the girl in Pretty Girl [Fight]). Life is too short. I'd rather give my attention to a man who loves what I look and act like.
With that said --- Next post: Attitude: You'll Never Find a Real Man.
4 comments:
Love it! I agree with everything whole heartedly. Something I know and observe is that, when we're young and (often) unexperienced we're so prone to having such ideals about only dating people of certain race, certain complexions within a race, height, weight, socioeconomic status, etc. But after having bad experiences with someone who meets several of these "requirements", they can still 1) not love you, and 2) hurt and disappoint you. The last guy I was "with", I thought he was SO fine....6'4", nice smile, caramel skin....but he was a loser who was so proud of being fine, he couldn't do anything else, including swallowing that pride and admitting when he's wrong. He felt like his looks accounted for everything. Today, the site of him turns a my stomach lol!
My point is, once you been through enough fuckboys you'll definitely learn to appreciate just having someone (romantically) wants nothing more than to make you happy.
Anonymous,
I agree, Black aggressiveness (or its stereotype) is mostly false and rooted in White supremacy...
but I'm not sure I understand your statement regarding standard of beauty: I'm pretty sure its the white woman's (stereotypical) submissiveness and hyper-feminism, contrasted by Black aggressiveness, that made her the standard of beauty... so, I think your statement backs my claim more than it does yours.
& I wrote this with a different purpose than you might have come out with... I didn't really discussing here where the "preferences" stem from becauseI feel that's common knowledge and an over analyzed topic.
Rather, my point here was more so how to DEAL and THINK ABOUT the results of Black-American history.
Hope this clarifies my writing for you. xoxo
I believe that the problem lies within the fact that we do not over-analyze where our preferences come from and we do not realize that this is a desired and pre-determined result. If we do focus root of our problems and who is most blame , we will never be able to solve them because we aren't being honest with ourselves.
I totally disagree that the stereotypical " submissiveness and hyper-feminism" is why they are the standard of beauty , but rather because we are in a system of white supremacy where it is always a white over non white. In reality white people in general are extremely more aggressive and intense and it is the non white people that are passive , timid ,confused and naive in comparison. If we weren't we wouldn't be ok with being at the bottom of society world wide.
I certainly don't disagree with your main points and how to go about it. However , if we aren't speaking comprehensively about it , it just seems like we have a natural and organic problem when it is really white people who are most responsible for our self images. Hair straightening , skin lightening , good hair , "pretty"girls , etc all comes from them and that is the real problem - along with our reactions.
Very interesting post and I very much look forward to further insightful observations.
Thank you for responding again. Now I see what you mean.
I think this discussion deserves another post as I'd like to understand how I, personally, feel about the "root" of this issue, I'll be sure to update you on that post and we can continue the discussion.
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