Ask Ella: How Can I Find a Girlfriend?

Heyyy Ella,

How can I find a gf or girl? bcz I dont hav a gf and im 22 . actually i never had a gf in my life. hey is it bad? But i think its not good. I feel alone. hmm actually im not a bad, weird person but i just dont get these things.

-Relationship Virgin

  My Dear Relationship Virgin, 

     Honey, the good thing here is that you're far from alone on your quest for someone to call yours. But if you've never had a girlfriend "in your life," why do you want one now?

        I'm going to be honest here: Us girls aren't as nice as we look. Before you set out on this journey to love, I suggest you do some serious thinking about why you want a relationship. Is it because you feel alone? Because you have to know (before you go into it) that the relationship isn't just for you. Yes, you'll gain some companionship, but you'll have to be willing to give that person something as well. What are you bringing to the table? There's one more "why" I need you to contemplate: Why haven't you ever had a girlfriend? Was it your choice? IF it was your choice, has that situation change? For example, if it was a reason like, you don't have time or you'd rather date around, have those sentiments changed. Do you now feel different? How? Why? When did this happen? Are you truly ready to change your lifestyle and include another person? You're 22 and so am I. If you feel anything like how I feel, you're old enough to put careful thought in your decision, but young enough to know that no decision you make right now is going to be the end all be all. 

        I don't think your not having ever had a girlfriend is exactly a bad thing... it's actually rather intriguing and, personally, I'd love to be a guy's first girlfriend. You do kind of have the "virgin" allure. :) But that all changes if the reason is because it's your fault. No girls have ever wanted to be your girlfriend? Are you sure you're not weird? lol... jk, jk... Most guys are forced into relationships at least once or twice. Are you afraid of commitment? I know men hate that phrase, but it's because most men are. Really though, what has changed? A "Girl" is still a person. You can't own her. She's not the perfect outfit. She has feelings. She's moody. She loves and she hurts. You have to be ready for her and everything that comes with it. But when you find her, she'll be the most beautiful disaster you'll experience. 

       Looking for a girlfriend is like searching for a best-friend. These things are just supposed to happen. If you rush into it with someone you barely know and don't trust, you're going to get hurt. Just let it happen. I can't really tell you how to get a girlfriend. There are no steps or tricks I can teach you because we're all different. But I suggest that if/when you find a girl that you like, you treat her like she should be treated --from the very first moment. Don't change for her or what you think a girl might like. If you're looking for something meaningful, find someone who actually vibes with you so that you can be yourself. This way you never have to change & neither does she. If what you're really looking for is someone to lay up with and have (guaranteed) sex waiting on you, take a young girl to dinner. You're more likely to get play. I'm not going to teach you how to score. At the root, all women like the same thing: Money. You can buy an easy female if that's what you're looking for. If you want a woman, that'll take a few simple ingredients: Honesty, loyalty, respect. 

      I suggest you keep dating around. Treat women the way they should be treated. After a while, you'll see who sticks around. Love is just a game. Half strategy, half luck. Finding the girl is the hard part, but you'll have to do that one your own. Let me know when you find someone you like, and I'll tell you how to keep her. 

Good Luck!