So I was asked to comment on the saying, "Nice guys finish last." Here's my take:
First, I need to tell you what "nice guy" really means. If a woman is completely attracted to a man (especially physically) and he's also nice, he's a "good" guy --which is different. A "good" guy has further potential. Like... you want to date him. To be seen with him. To lock his ass down, in theory. A"nice" guy on the other hand is... okay looking. He doesn't really excite you but he's kind and makes you smile and makes you feel special. If you ended up with him, it wouldn't be the end of the world.
Sidenote: Women don't date men they think are ugly. Now, everyone else might think he's ugly... and she knows he's not a movie star... but she doesn't think he ugly. You need some kind of attraction there. We each have our spectrum of looks that outline the ugly-tolerable-gorgeous boundaries. All in all, a nice guy is a guy you wouldn't mind being seen in public with. Nice guys can grow on you, but --in all honesty --there's going to be something about him that's lacking.
I had a nice guy once.
He was sweet, responsible, thoughtful, chivalrous, tall (see, tall is the physical thing I liked that attracted me most).... but there were minor things about him I didn't like. He was so kind that he sometimes didn't stick up for himself. & there were times I doubted he could stick up for me. GUYS: You can be nice to me, but you don't have to be nice to everyone. Personally, I like to feel safe with a guy, like he'll defend me in anything. I like to feel like he is the man. No woman wants a man that she can walk all over. We want to feel like if something went wrong, you could depend on your man in the toughest of times.
He aslo wasn't 100% what I was looking for physically. He wasn't as toned as I like men to be (the after winter belly wasn't really pretty) and his style wasn't as....as I would like it. BUT I dealt with it. I accepted him for him. I didn't force anything on him. As time went by, he let me pick out some clothes for him. His self-esteem seemed to shoot up a bit more. Slowly.... the nice guy faded, and a cool guy emerged. Everything changed except for him being tall. His height was all there was left.
These are the questions we face when dating a "Nice Guy":
What happens if you make all the exceptions and learn to love this guy even though he's not exactly what you want? What if things go perfectly? What happens if the sweetness fades to nothing? What happens when he no longer wants you? And you didn't even fucking like this guy in the first place!
Now, you might really be a nice guy, but we've heard that game before. Men tend to approach me with the "Excuse me, Miss" game because I demand it; not because that's what they usually do. I've had plenty guys tell me how sweet they are when they first meet me and offer to take me to dinner right there on the dance floor because it's the only game I respond to. I guess they figure the sweeter they are, the closer they are to my sweets. Either the guy is actually nice or he's faking it. Regardless, I won't be disrespected.
If you are telling the truth about being nice, I'm sorry... Someone else has already used that line & ruined it for you.
If it ends well, and he's nice forever, congratulations. But for the most part... "nice" is just a game. It's what reels us in. Granted, you might not be an asshole after you've reeled us in, but the flowers and compliments stop coming. There are no more good morning texts. There are no more "just to say I love you" phone calls. At the end of my last relationship, my nice guy didn't have time to text me during the day to say hello, but as I read his text messages to the other girls he was talking to, he was the sweet man I used to know.
When nice guys get lazy, they have nothing left to fall back on.
When a Jerk gets lazy, at least he's still hot. He can risk it, you can't. The way for a nice guy to hold onto his girl is to be the same everyday as you were on day one. The minute you change and you slack, our reason for liking you --"because he's nice" --is gone. We can then see your flaws more clearly because there is nothing holding us to you. Just like a girl's personality can make her hotter, a guy's "niceness" does the same. I don't want to date a mediocre looking guy and go through drama or even just be "blah".
I'm going to be completely honest: I'd rather date a REALLY HOT GUY who is a jerk because I'm totally attracted to him. I feel prettier with him. More girls are jealous of me when I'm with him. At least when shit hits the fan I can say "Well, he was hot," and all my friends will agree. There's nothing worse than being hurt and betrayed by a lame guy that you had to convince yourself to like in the first place. Because, when it all comes crashing down, it feels like your fault for not trusting your true, honest, superficial self. & That's what women fear the most about the nice guy.
Trust me, I know.
Mostly though... nice guys finish last because they're not as hott as the hott guys.
Mostly though... nice guys finish last because they're not as hott as the hott guys.
14 comments:
Okay. Interesting. Well this is my situation: first off I'm an attractive dude. I work, I'm in my third yr of college, I pay all of bills myself, I drive and I'm just 19. Now, it seems like every other yr I meet a female whom I feel I wanna "wife" or be in a relationship with. So I begin my pursuit, I always get the same response :" I look at u more like a friend." Now the funny things is, I'm still friends with these ladies till this day. I'll admit, I might be the one to blame jus a little bit because I might not be aggressive enough to close the deal. But that's only because I feel as though their is a certain way to approach a certain female. I'm other words: " some females r worth the wait and some r not." Anyway, I feel as though that some females r jus tryinto "keep me around" so to speak because they see my potential and they know that in about 3 yrs I'm gonna be a "hot commodity."
Lol.. I'm not sayong you're unattractive.. I obviously have no idea. I want to be honest with you....even if you ARE attractive, you might be going after women who are your type... but you might not be their type. If a woman thinks you're attractive (to her liking) she NEVER just wants to be friends. Sorry, but eff what you've heard.
As for the hot commodity part: you're probably right. From the sound of it... I would even keep you on the sideline! But honestly... if a girl doesnt want you from the start --right now, for the great man you are... why are you chasing her? Why chase a woman who doesn't want you. Where's your value for yourself? If you're that great of a guy, the woman who deserves it will see it. If she doesn't see it, (in my opinion) she doesn't deserve you.
Your right. Even though I still keep in contact with these women, I kno what the deal is and truthfully I don't even want to be with them anymore because of the simple fact that they don't want me. And then by me having a laid-back persona.... Females automatically think that I'm a push-over and that damn sure isn't tru lol.
This entry is sooo shallow, but this is y I love you cuz it's so real lol but honestly how happy and content can you be in a relationship based on JUST looks? What if dude is mad boring n basic?
Yea, this is really shallow... but I owed it Arav to be honest since he suggested the topic. I say what people wont.
You won't be. At least not for long. A nice guy can work if he keeps up being nice. What women are looking for is a "good" guy. A guy who's nice AND attractive. That's the jackpot.
But I think that's why girls tend to end up with assholes, we'd rather a guy be hott. We're willing to put up with more from a man we're attracted to more.
PS: <3 u too, Tiny!
Makes sense, guess you just got to keep searching till you find what you want.
Lol I've never heard the whole "nice guys finish last" in that perspective ella, but neither the less ARAV when I said nice guys finish last because chivalry is dead... I was jus refering to ur game and approach with these young ladies... As for the whole attractive thing (man to man) its all about how u carry ur self .. We've all seen couples together and think wtf ... Some ugly guys carry them selves like there studs and therefore become studs, and some sharp looking guys some times are jus a lil awkward at points. "The alpha male" comes in all shapes and sizes, sometimes there ugly lol and other times there handsome ... All I'm saying is this.. And this goes to all my fellas out there ... If ur not havin success then change ur approach .. Don't be fake jus tweek things...fellas! females r not looking for husbands, they r looking for boyfriends. Its ok to be nice but ur no ones husband. ARAV its ok in early stages of relationships to tell these girls "sorry I'm not looking for and new friends" if u don't want to be friends with these girls u don't have to .. U kno wat I'm sayin?
I don't think that your post is shallow at all Ella. I realized long ago the importance of looks, "a bee is only attracted to the prettiest flower, it is only after the initial attraction to the outer beauty that the bee actually knows how good the "inside" of the flower is." Even though my parents brought me up right and I am polite, I made sure to go to the gym and up my "exterior game". I have seen many "nice" guys complain about always being considered a "friend" or "brother" from the girls they liked. Most times they are average or below average looking and I always tell them to do something about it, but they always make the excuse; "looks shouldn't be important and they don't want a shallow girl". But I am sure they want a very pretty girl and for her to maintain her exterior and also have a good personality but they can't offer the same. Not to be mean but "nice guys" in most cases need to up their exterior to be ahead or even on par with their competition.
@Nadir. Great point... There's a Lyfe Jennings song called Statistics in which he says "Don't be a nickle out here looking for a dime." Sometimes, we shoot too high and expect unattainable results. Or we expect something from our partners that we aren't willing to provide for them. That is NOT 50/50.
@CF Native: I think that's a great way to go in saying, "I'm not looking for friends". ARAV, in saying this, you might actually gain some points because then you wont be chasing her. Now she can't simply have you to the side & honestly... women like what they can't have.
Could you write something about your take on long distance relationships?
straight up if u havent laid a good foundation ur long distance fuck buddy , i mean RELATIONSHIP is goin to the shitter! :( lol ella im interested in this one too!!
@Anonymous. Here it is: http://ellathought.blogspot.com/2010/09/far-fetched-love.html
Half-way through, I realized I didn't know what you wanted me to focus on. Feel free to comment on the "Far [Fetched] Love" blog & we can chat it up.
& Here's part 2
http://ellathought.blogspot.com/2010/09/world-wide-woman.html?spref=fb
SO so TRUE! I used to work with a guy that's a "nice guy"...not exactly what I consider hott, but he has a lot of great attributes: he's responsible, hard-working, smart, down-to-earth, well-spoken, and kind. Aside from his behind (LOL), I was not attracted to him and I kind of felt bad that I wasn't; it just made me feel kind of shallow. Everyone I ever messed with before were at least attractive to me at some point. But they were all losers in disguise. I really don't want anymore losers, but it's like we're programmed to give chances to men we think look good. And alot of times, these guys know they look good so they know they can "rest" on on that. So it usually doesn't work out (well, for me it doesn't). But you're right: being with good-looking guys make us feel prettier. Another thing: your "nice guy" changed, huh? I don't think I've ever witnessed that, LOL!
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