Easy A's

Students of the game. We passed the class. Cuz nobody could read you dudes like we do. 

- Jay-Z "Takeover"

      Is it my fault you don't enjoy what you do? That's really what I want to ask most people. Time and time again, I hear people comment on how they chose the "hard" major. How other majors are "easier." I'd like to take this time out the burst the bubble of ignorance. When I was little, I wanted to be a Veterinarian. I wanted to build a human sized dog house in my back yard and collect stray animals. I tend to them, heal them and love them. I was once a nice child. Somewhere along the line though, I changed my mind and wanted to be Selena. Yep. The Mexican singer (remember I was also a little Spanish girl). It wasn't that I didn't like animals anymore, I just realized that there was more fun to be had in this world. 

       I was fortunate to have been raised by a very understanding mother with a firm but generous hand. I was never told what I should  be. I was never given a nudge in one direction or another. When the topic of college came up, my major was not discussed, it was simply a conversation about where I wanted to go (because the assumption was that I would go.) Since I can remember, I've been a writer. Secretly, I poured my soul into diaries that I hid in shoeboxes in the back of my closet. But I knew there was something good about my scribe and I felt empowered anytime we had a writing assignment to complete. I remember writing a paper on Cuba when I was in the 6th grade. I loved  that paper. I delved into the country and read through every out-of-date Encyclopedia my middle school had in stock. And I remember my teachers telling me that my peices where well written. I'm the type of kid who listens. I know what's up. I know what I'm good at and what I'm not good at. And I take advantage of my strongest skill set.

    My thoughts didn't breach public domain until high school. It was in private school where I excelled in my written prose as I could offer stories my classmates could not. My honesty was riviting and my poetry (while semi-feared) was praised by all. I was published against my will by a caring teacher who knew more than I did, the power of my scribe. I competed. I performed. I was hired to open shows in cafes where I was the youngest patron, sipping a hot tea (on the house) while everyone else enjoyed their liquor and showed ID at the door. I was a poet. This was my passion.

      Contrary to popular belief, not everyone can write. And not everyone should. That's why most blogs (this is where I kiss my own ass because I enjoy my writing and the 3,000+ monthly hits sort of backs me).  Granted, educated people have the skills to inform, to convey ideas in their writing, but they miss pivotal ingredients. They have no pull. They have no voice. They have no emotion. Most importantly though, they lack respect for each individually chosen word and the inherent power each holds. They write as a chore. That is something unique about writers. Every word means something. The difference between a dash and an ellipse can make or break a sentence, and while you --as the reader-- might not notice, I hope you understand that it all means the world to me.

       So no, I did not major in Biology or Chemistry.  I majored at something I was good at. Something I enjoyed. Initially, I entered Loyola a Psych major. I assumed the science that wasn't a science would be a good middle ground for me and get me a good salary out of school. But, as interesting as the field is, it wasn't for me. I wasn't happy. I wasn't interested. I wasn't living for me. This wasn't... completing me. At Loyola, there is a (supposed) emphasis on the cura personalis (The education of the whole person) which truly spoke to me. I couldn't do it for four years. I couldn't spend all that time trying to finish up studies that didn't truly speak to me. And while many who take up the sciences and medicine as a field of study argue that they did it to "help others" you did it for the guarantee of a check, let's be honest. Or perhaps it was that you weren't good at anything more than memorization (which the sciences rely heavily on). Or, to judge you a bit less, perhaps you hadn't (and maybe haven't yet) figured out what you truly want to do with your life. What you really find joy in.

     Seems to me, some people like to choose a major because of what they think it says about them. They pick the science because one might assume they are "smarter". When you tell people you are/were a bio/chem major, it makes you feel  smart right? Because you can name shit on the periodic table that they can't? Well, I've never enjoyed those conversations --in class and much less during my free time. I enjoyed the sciences. My favorite is Physics actually. I understand they are important in my education and a "whole person," but that is not me as a whole person. And simply because you chose the least creative and most time consuming of majors doesn't make me think you are smarter than I am. I assume you need less entertainment that I do. You are easily satisfied. You can put yourself and your happiness aside better than I can.  I assume you have more time on your hands. I assume you'd prefer to study than party all week. & I studied --on Sundays and Tuesday. I just partied the rest of the week.

      You might think that partying is wrong. I, on the other hand, believe that partying is college. I enjoyed my experience thoroughly. So while I can reminisce on the great classes I had I can also talk about the great time I had. My time wasn't spent in a library. I was making friends. I was having fun. I was experiencing life and growing as a person. And all of these experiences added to my classes. I was able to be more creative. I could pull in my personal experience into building and executing advertising campaigns. I could use clearer and more poignant details in my writing to get my (real-life) stories across more effectively. I wasn't all books. Although I read a shit-load of novels, my peers' essays and news, articles on current events, company bios, company ratings and sales reports. Shit that might not interest you. But I loved it all the same. 

       I've spoken to so many people who, taking on a profession they really don't like, are now trying to figure out what makes them happy. Now,this is wonderful and I'm glad you've reached this part of your life, but guess what? I've already done that. I know what makes me happy and I didn't sacrifice myself to the will of my parents or the economy out of fear. I had enough faith in myself and in my skills that I knew I'd make it somehow. If you're good, your good.  Nothing more needs to be said. Because granted, Advertising and Writing might come off as "easy"majors, but I assure you, you could never do either as well I can. And had you been in classes with me, I also guarantee that I'd have blown you out of the water. I'm just glad I'm ahead of the pack when it comes to happiness. Now, you all have to go outside of what you were trained to do and learn a whole new discipline in order to master it. And granted, it can be done --but how much easier would it be if you had already learned that?

    NEWS FLASH: You'd have sucked at my easy major. I'm not sure people understand how offensive it is when you call their major "easy". As if I didn't study. As if I didn't work my ass off. As if I didn't pull all-nighters trying to finish portfolios and projects. I had to pass just like you did. The difference is, I'd have found no joy sitting in a basement classroom filling in circles and diagnosing diseases. Instead, I was able to play the role of Creative Director and pitch a campaign to actual Under Armour executives. I was doing work. And again, I say to you, you couldn't have done it better than I did. From the outside looking in, you can call any major easier than the sciences due to the mere weight of the text books, but in reality the only truth is that liberal arts majors are easier to afford. & you might think a simple 2nd year philosophy class is easy, but you'll think again if you ever take Loyola's Dr. Backhaus with his book after book and 10-20 page papers due a week after each. He's a great teacher, but stupid kids don't pass his class.

    Some people are okay with memorizing. With holding onto information that they don't find interesting and is instead necessary. That's not me. But if I didn't haven enough confidence to listen to my heart, I could have done it too. I could have sat through those classes and bypassed the parties/ my life to take notes and join study groups. It's possible. But that's not me. And I'm sorry you now feel like you have to take shots at me because you're  unhappy. You chose your major. If you wanted to do what I do, you should have chosen like I did.

    ... This is all me raving and ranting. I'm sure there are bio/medicine majors who thoroughly enjoy what they do. I understand that it took you dedication and long hours to complete your studies, but that was a choice you made. That's not what I wanted to do. Instead, I excelled in what makes me happy. & #LookAtMeNow. Fully employed with benefits and enough free time to do what I really love. Write. & I do it for free. I'm not a slave to the penny nor to my job. I enjoy what I do.  Don't hate me for it. Simply put, the rest of us don't think about you. Because we work hard regardless of what you think. Regardless of the prejudice and misconception you have that makes you think you worked harder for your degree than we did.

        I couldn't have done it. But I could have. I could have dedicated myself. I have the intelligence. But I couldn't submit myself to hours on end of material that did nothing for me. This is where you and I may differ. I understand wanting to choose a major that makes money & that's why I chose Advertising. But, I actually like it. I couldn't be in a sterile lab or hospital all day. I couldn't spend my days visiting patients somewhere. Shoutouts to those who can, because I don't know how I'd manage. I think I'd flip right over into depression, I know myself. (People like me need people like you. When I get sick, I'll come to you. But when your hospital needs to revamp and try to get more funding, you need the likes of me.) I know that I love myself way too much to submit myself to that especially when I know full well what I'm best at. I'm a writer. And my major was challenging because I challenged myself. 


      So out of respect to the people like me, chasing dreams from the very beginning, we'd appreciate if you understood this it is more difficult to follow your heart and find what makes you truly happy and complete than it is to pass a biology class. I'm sure we can all agree to that. & I've mastered this. Congratulations to all of us who have. & If my major was easy... seems to me you're dumb for choosing the more difficult one, no? Or maybe you should just mind your life and I'll mind mine.


I am a writer. New, unexperienced and without a proper editor, so cut me some slack...but I doubt any of you are performing open-heart surgery right out of school.


FYI: I'm happy, doing what I love, paying my bills, keeping my closet pretty and my filling my fridge.

Thank you, Loyola College.

Jay-Z's "Decoded" - Part 1

Did it different. Did it better. Did it nice. Did the impossible, then did it twice. Get it right. 

Jay-Z "Hovi Baby"

Before I read this book, I have a couple things to say. 

Lots of people expect me to like this book. So it's been terribly difficult to write this. The thing with Jay-Z is... the fans. The popularity and weight that comes with the name "Jay-Z" is advertising in it's own. He's a brand-name whose point of sale is "quality with consistency". Who wouldn't buy that? Granted, I am one of those people who thinks that every Jay album is exceptional. But that's only because it's true. So in trying to prove to myself that I wasn't a rider... I really listened to the new albums. But only in rotation with the rest. So, I know everyone might expect me to love this book and be excited for it which I was until I read the first page.  Everyone has been hailing how great this book is. & while it is well written, the writing is so.... ordinary. & Jay-Z is an extraordinary nigga. So I was disappointed at first browse. 

& I don't know anyone who's read the book whose opinion I trust. Books are personal things. Not every book is good. Authors are like rappers to me... I just don't fucks with a lot of them. & fans reveling in the book aren't my fav either. I don't like trend books. I don't like to read what people are currently reading. Before I opened up my Decoded yesterday, I was reading Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice which is quite good. When I announced on FB, that my next post would be this one, I got some feedback. I even got an inbox message telling me the book is a "great read". WTF does "great read" mean? That's the shit they put on self help books on the front table at Border's. It doesn't mean a damn thing.  On page 54, Decoded reads, "The problem isn't in the rap or in the rapper or the culture. The problem is that so many people don't even know how to listen to music." If people can fuck up a basic skill like listening,  I'd argue they're even worse at reading.  I wrote about the same idea in  "For the Love of Hip Hop," on November 17th. 2010. Just ONE DAY after Jay-Z released his book. That's why I'm reading this book now. Because there is a voice in there, behind all the bullshit, that is meant for me. I'll find it. But...the thing is... its not easy. 

    For a while, I hadn't been able to get passed the first couple pages --Page 5 to be exact. Which is really page 2.5 of text and literal page 23 in the book --for a couple of reasons. First, HEAVY ASS BOOK. I understand why now, sort of... because the images in the book simply print and present better in this manner. But a soft/ply cover option would have been nice. I need a book I can throw in my bag and go. The book is  too fuckin big. & I know that sounds like a dumb complaint, but there's more to that. People love hardcovers as decoration on their end tables. This book looks amazing on a bookshelf. But what about those of us who read? Your book wasn't welcoming. I think you missed out on an immense audience. The audience who will grab and go and read on the train or when they're waiting on just anything.  All business -- you missed out on sales, dude. On a consumer level, it made your book sort of cold and distant especially with the white cover. There's something about a soft cover book, in that you can lay up with it and bring it where ever you're going, that connects you toit. Both the content and it physically. (Cred: Advertising major who once interned for a publishing house. & I liked my classes.)

#2: I hate that book. The very conception of it. You already know I hate the physical qualities of the book, but I'm also a hater on it's construction. It's essence. I'm saying this here because I'm strong enough to admit it. I'm not jealous of Dream Hammond and her being able to work with Jay on this book. She has (a supposed) 20 years in the industry. She's reputable. But she sucks. This isn't anything Hammond should take to heart, most writers suck. Not only does she suck, her blog sucks. Here, visit: DreamHampton.com. & I hate on her so much, that I've been misspelling her name, but I'm going to leave it misspelled where it already lays. Out of pure disrespect. 

     But now that it's out, I have a crown to come at. A crown Hampton does not hold. No one knows her unless they're in the industry. Have you heard of her? Before this? & With that said,  I mean the Hip-Hop industry, because she is not a writer. Yes, she writes. And she writes with skill. But writing is not her passion. She's a film major. Ok... She's a very smart woman, I can't deny that. She went to NYU. But it's not my fault she paid more for her school name than I did. & before Jay, her claim to fame is that "she filmed her neighbor Chirstopher "Notorious B.I.G." Wallace for a documentary class." Really? You put that in your bio? He was your neighbor. How tough was it to set that up? I read some of her other stuff on that website, and forreal, I'm not impressed. 

    She was a mediocre feature on this project. I just don't think that Jay should have teamed up with someone who wasn't at the top of the craft. Choosing Hampton was like choosing anyone. I wasn't a collaboration. If Jay-Z & Lil Wayne is not a collaboration, but Jay-Z & Nas is, WTF has she done that makes this a collaboration? Even Jay-Z & Sista Souljah would have made more sense (from a publicity point) but I'm not a fan of hers either.  There are few well known black writers. Even less female black writers. The only ones I respect are Toni Morrison and Maya Angelou. But to me, Angelou is a better poet than essayist or story teller. 

& Most of All: The writing sucks. To the point to where I have to edit my book. It took everything in me to not take out my red Sharpie. In the end I failed and let my ink wrestle the first page. I didn't even like the first sentence. I wanted to feel like, with the first word, Jay was talking to me. Cuz that's how big Jay is. As soon as you hear his voice, you know it's him. He's unmistakable. So unmistakable that my 56 year old mother knows when it's Jay playin on the radio. 

     I love words. And I think every story has its own voice because every person has their own voice. The ability to ghost write, I think is a gift. The opportunity is not. The first 2.5 pages of this book don't read "Jay-Z" enough for me. I keep thinking... he wouldn't really say that like that. The first pages are real detached. Too professional. Pretentious. Too methodical for a man who is a freestyling legend. And some of it is just awkward. 

The first sentence: 

"I saw the circle before I saw the kid in the middle." is not a powerful enough sentence. The first line in a verse (like the first line in a paragraph) is always a statement & then a breath. That statement should be able to stand alone. So I typed a quick "Jay" into the iTunes search tab & threw him on shuffle. Just to prove my point: the Theory of the First Line.  If Jay does it while rapping, I'm sure he'd do it in writing. 

Examples: 

"Still there's pain." - Sweet

"Hello brooklyn." - Hello Brooklyn

"You're my best friends sister."-Soon You'll Understand

"I hustle from night to morning." There's Been a Murder

Then I cleared my search tab & hit "next". 

"See. I'm like a new breed of female." - Secret Location Remy Ma.

"Look, Nigga what you think this is?" - Here We Go - Trina

Even the females are doing it! 

Worst sentence so far: 

"When I got a little older, Marcy would show me it's menace, but for a kid in the seventies, it was mostly an adventure, full of concrete corners to turn, dark hallways to explore, and everywhere other kids." 

First, LONG ASS SENTENCE. 

      Second, "When I got a little older Marcy would show me it's menace." Who would say that? It's meance? That sounds way too scripted. #FilmMajor. Third, "concrete corners to turn" as opposed to.... concrete corners to jump? What else do you do with a corner? Or may be meant as opposed to plastic corners to turn. But I'm not sure how many different types of corners there are out there. Fourth: How many of you say, "and everywhere other kids"? How about... "and other kids everywhere" or we can take advice from Strunk & White and simplify to "and kids everywhere." No shit other kids. "Other kids" means the exact same thing as just saying "kids" "Simplify, Simplify," wrote Thoreau. "Do not overwrite," says Strunk & White along with "Write in a way that comes naturally."  I want to send Hampton a copy of my Strunk & White. I even got it out for her.  Point is, I shouldn't have this much to say about one sentence. 

      So I've been acting out my marginalia. I'm correcting less as I read along, but  there are still too many places where I, as a reader, am asking for more elaboration. Sometimes the story isn't playing out like it should. Things aren't said in the way they should be. They're lacking depth. Sorry, Ms. Hampton, but you know how Hip Hop goes. To be the best, you gotta prove yourself better than those on top. I still have my own work to do. So grammatical faux pas are acceptable of me, in my Blogging venue. But some writers are just real overrated *cough* Thing is... I'm like Jay. You know, how he used to pull out that binder on the mailbox? (page 5: an instance where the imagery you wrote didn't appropriately describe the desperation or the passion. You made it sound like the same kid who stops to tie his shoes even if he falls behind. The tone is too nonchalant....) & thats what makes me dope, Ms. Hampton. & if I'm not doper than you yet, I will be. Be patient, these things take time.  

 "Dopeness," A dope picture. 

      I'm already the best. I'm going to say it here. Now. So later, when when you hear about me, you'll know exactly how I said it, when I said & that I meant it. On page 26, you helped write, "if you can say how dope you are in a completely original, clever and powerful way, [that in itself] becomes proof of the boast's truth." Watch this.

This dope shit is nothin. 

I was there when Dope was invented; I hold the copyright. 

Mattafact, everytime you say "dope" it should be followed by 

"Copyright © 88" with my name beside it. You can add on the "All rights reserved" if it so moves you. 

-ELLA being dope. 

      Only thing doper is the picture to the right. I really believe I'm one of the dopest bloggers out right now. (lol.. had to laugh at the one.) This blog, for me, is like "The Come Up," for J Cole. I'm hungry. I'm gonna make it.  & If they don't think I'm the best now, they'll jump on the wagon later. These things also take time. Note to Hampton: This is how you show confidence as opposed to cockiness which you failed to do in the last sentence on page 5.  You know that "show don't tell" thing you learn early on? It's one of those cases. The way to be confident in speech is to show, then tell. Then show again. Like a "Reminder". You know that song, right? 

    So hopefully, the book gives me what I need. & it's gotten better as the writing gained momentum. My last opinion on Hampton is that it takes her too long to get a story off the ground. But the pace and flow improve as the words and the story settle into each other. I'm consciously trying to read this with an unbiased eye but I had to get my preconceptions out first. I'm open to it to the rest of this. Maybe she'll prove to me why she's dope. I don't have much faith though. At worst, this is really just primary research into how his autobiography should be written... which I really should write. 

We'll see. Back to the book. 

I'll give a final opinion when I finish:  "Jay-Z's "Decoded" - Part 2" 

Carrie Bradshaw, take a seat, Hunny.

If I could do anything in the world, I'd sit right here where I am.

It's 7:16 on a Sunday evening and my mother and I are lounging in the living watching One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest on AMC. (We watch AMC because "story matters here" as their advertising tagline points out.)  I've just started this blog but I want to have enough material for you, the reader, to be entertained when I decide to let people know I'm writing again.

I love to write. I love to watch movies and read books and buy clothes. I want to be Carrie Bradshaw --the Black, Latina, young Carrie Bradshaw. Someone just needs to pay me enough for my to buy my first pair of Louboutins. (My demographics lead me to prefer Christian Louboutin over Manolo Blahnik, any day.)  My fav shoe has been dubbed the "Lady Claude." The shoe, with its Kill Bill sexiness,  can make me the "new Black Mamba," says the company website. Fashion à la Quentin Tarantino? Need I say more?

Still, I don't doubt that plenty women out there want to be Carrie, and then there's the rest of us of different ethnicities, races and complexions that have to add an adjective before the name to make us feel like we have a running chance. I mean, the "black Carrie" in this article is a man. Do I have a chance?

If I did, Ladies & Gents, I'd spill all my dirtiest secrets to you if only you would read along. All I need is a closet like Carrie's and red on the bottoms of my shoes.   My life is a movie, I promise.

SOMEONE HIRE ME!!!! (I'm all for shameless self-promotion.)