I'm trying to discipline myself. See I've got this 10 to 7 thing & its buttering the bread, but it's not quite cutting it. My dreams are far too lavish and my list of obligations too long. The ladder here has far too many steps and I'm not sure how long I can wait for a corner office. A lot people talk that ambitious shit; others live it. Both J Cole (link) & Wale (link) have dropped albums with no intentions other than eatin. It's tough out there. The homie Brittany, writer of Only1Spotlight.com, has been tracking Mr. Folarin's moves for weeks now. Makes you sit and wonder if he's ever considered taking her to lunch. Makes me consider how I could make it happen. See, this is boss shit. Boss shit is when you have to think, not only of yourself, but of those around you. Still, even as you think of yourself, you are the one to benefit greatest. Some people are too good to be bosses. Me? I'm a bad person. I babysat evil for long enough to anticipate it's actions. There's nothing it can do to me.
The only person who can do for me is me. This is the starting line. This is when I face myself in the mirror and tell myself everything I'm capable of. My aim: To strike fear in my fear. I always look myself in the eye. Anywhere else, I tend to get distracted. I see the things I don't like. Insecurities creep through and make room for doubt. I question. I don't like that. I don't like questions and I don't like the idea of my not supporting myself 150%. Looking back at all i've accomplished in my life... there are people who missed out an very important events in my life. I never missed one though. So while I might be my only opponent, I am also my #1 supporter.
I can't separate myself from "normal" people quite yet... but I do anyway. Like most people I like to have my ideas justified. I need to know if it's plausible. But unlike most people, I don't speak on my dreams until I see there is some potential behind it. Unless there's going to be some action behind it. I wouldn't embark on a trip across the ocean in a raft. Unless a raft was all I had...but I'd still be alright, though. I know how to swim. So I've started on Plan C. Plan B is this blog & Plan A is is my real job: I give precedence to whatever is most lucrative at the time. There was a time I hoped Plab B would exceed A, but I needed something in addition. Maybe it's greed. Maybe in seeing my own brilliance I've tried to tap into everything I could possibly offer this world and maybe I umm... "came up in it a little bit self-centered" but if I have brain power (and time) I'm not using, I might as well try to make some money off of it.
The biggest issue with reaching your dreams is establishing your priorities. There were some dreams I had long ago that were put on hold because they simply weren't plausible. It's tough when you have to consider finances for your dreams. Shit ain't free. Kim said it best, first, you need the money. Some people notice that far too late in the game but I've been stackin chips. Not only to let the wealth accumulate, but my knowledge as well. My homie Silver Spoon June said, over a nice L, "take this time working for someone else to invest in yourself," Sounds nice, right? (check him & his music @ so7eighteen.com) but how long can I really do it? And how much work am I putting in to get out of the situation? Are we making moves like we pretend to? Or is this all talk? And once you get there... then what? Plan B, bitch, that's what. The brainstorming should continue as long as there's money to make out there. Sometimes, people stop too short. The ambition they once claimed to have runs out. They settle. They are content but I've never been quite satisfied with much. I've made promises I aim to keep.
I encourage you to put more kindle in your fire. Brick your foundation. Life moves faster than you notice when you're not paying attention. But if you would just keep a close eye on the minute at hand, I'm sure you could take advantage of it somehow. Time is bitch. I tie her up and go ham, forreal. That's how she likes it. I take my time. I do it right twice. I'm so fuckin focused fam. Some say on the wrong things, but what would I look like altering my goals for supporting characters? My legend is simply waiting to be written. As is yours, so long as we understand they're all different books. You can't write the chapters of your life until you've lived them, right? Otherwise, it's fiction. But this shit is real. The next move will be a real-life movie. A documentary, trust me.
Part of me wanted to inspire you all to work just as hard as me. I want to guide you to make Plans A-Y like me (I keep Z free for spontaneity). Bust your ass like me. Brainstorm like me. Plot like me. Walk like me. Talk like me. But I'm certain that there is only one me just as certain as I am that there is only one you. Everyone takes their own time getting to goals but shit... some of you need to get to movin'. I'd give you the secrets to it all but I need some sort of leverage don't I? And I can't possibly pretend to care for the entire world... someone out there wants my spot just as I want yours. Or someone else's. Whatever the fuck your goal is... you've just got to stay focused. Too much can take you off track.... especially men. But if you fall off track, remember that it's only you who loses. Work wisely.
Be careful. Stay focused. If you need a blueprint of how to make it off the sideline... stay tuned.
xoxo
Ella.
