Self-Centered and Successful

I could let them dream killers kill my self-esteem or use my arrogance as the steam to power my dreams. 

I use it as my gas so they say that I'm gassed. But without it I'd be last, so I ought to laugh.  

Kanye West "Last Call"

     

    I'm not good with my phone. I'm bad at taking calls and making them. I read all of my text messages and mentally respond to them. What's worse is that I have no intentions of changing my behavior. I'm quite content being detached from the world, actually. It's a bit difficult to deal with people sending me "Hey Stranger" messages and asking me why I don't pick up. I'm busy. And if I'm not busy, I'm relaxing. Or sometimes, I simply don't feel like holding conversation. & I decided long ago that there's nothing more important than what I want and what makes me happiest.  Stick to your guns. I've found that people are too easily swayed. Too readily convinced. You have the right to believe whatever you choose --no matter how wrong it is. You have the right to make mistakes. 

      I've been contemplating freedom very often lately. In terms of... well, everything. The freedom to choose, to speak, to live, to breathe, to believe... the freedom to be whoever you want to be. Remember that cliches are just abused truths.  Cliches are phrases people heard and believed and when they didn't happened, wrote them off as bullshit. But cliches are dogmas. They are absolute, yet the fall on no timeframe. If you want something... if you believe in something, patience is your greatest virtue. You've simply got to remain faithful --but that's not always as simple as it seems. 

       Only in the dark does one notice the absence of light. In your worst moments, if you pay attention, you can see how much better things can be. This will allow you to make those "Fearless" decisions I talked about in my last post. You've got open your eyes. Life is so much more than what is happening in front of you. I must disagree with Ekhart Tolle; life is more than the right now. While the right now is all you can trust and believe in, the future should give you hope. Both the past and the future should guide you in your decisions. More accurately defined, the past are simply the lessons you have already learn and the future should be your calendar of goals. The best way to life live is to have things to look forward to. And the way to get there is to make full use of the right now while employing the lessons you've learned in the past. 

    Some people say put your faith in God, I say put your faith in yourself. They say that each of us what made in the likeness of the blue-eye, golden haired Messiah, but (for some of us) the relation is difficult to pinpoint. But if he is in you, then that would give you complete control wouldn't it? The Quakers believe that the light of God is within each of us. Along with that, I claim His power, His strength, His endurance, His gratitude... everything. I don't care who your god is or how many arms on on her, but if you have some sort of strength behind you, employ it. Perhaps it's not a god. Perhaps it's just that your mother needs a new living room set. Maybe you should start thinking about your kid's college fund (which you should be thinking about before the thought of having children, in my opinion). Whatever your source of  motivation, employ it. Few of us have the same goals as it takes different things to satisfy each individual. But your goals and aspirations are as valid as anyone else's. 

    Don't compare yourself to the world. Lauryn Hill, in her Unplugged, which I always quote, discusses comparing ourselves to the people around us. She argues that if God made each of us unique, how can we compare ourselves to our neighbors. There is no comparison. You are not like your neighbors because you are yourself. At times, its difficult to be yourself because we try and try to explain ourselves and, each time, the venue become more stringent. Twitter has only given me 140 characters. That's all I'm allowed to write my "bio"? You must take note that people will put limitations on who you can be and why. They will attempt to define you for you. Don't let them. The moment you put yourself in a box, they'll nail it shut over you. Be yourself freely. Be the person you want to be. No more. No less. 

      But you've go to understand that everyone else has the right to be who they want to be, too. Whether it fits your mold or not. We are each in charge of our own existence --and only our own existence. With this will come petty battle and raging wars. They will try to control you in whatever form they can. You see, minds hold all the power in the world. If you can control someone else, you must understand how much power that is. They'll come as friends and evolve into foes. The ones who hate you most will have loved you first. They love you because they think that you are just like them.They love you even more when they want to be just like you. That is, until they realize that they can't be you. No one can be you. Then they hate you. All the while ignoring all you've done for them --merely by existing. I see myself in so many people. The way they talk. The way they walk. The way they pose for pictures even. The phrases. The attitude. The swag morphs and becomes more similar to mine. One upon a time, I'd get upset at this --I'm sure you understand. But upon this time, I don't give a fuck. You should never worry about your persona --swag-- being stolen. If your swag is certified, it'll refashion itself and maintain. And everyone will know. Everyone can see how fake a girl's bag is except that girl who bought it. You know what the wise man said: Don't argue with fools. People, form a distance, will confuse them with you. 

       Being yourself is the most difficult challenge one faces. The tough part is figuring out what that means. The tougher part is realizing that you don't need to spend so much time figuring that out. Simply be you. Fuck everyone around you. At the end of the day, no one breathed for you but you. You've got to take more control over yourself if you really want to make those goals come true. I'm tired of listening to people talk about what they had hoped would happen. People have so many goals and no game plans. If you really want something, take control. This is your life. There is very little that comes easy --and it's up to you to take advantage of the things that do come your way. 

    What I'm most tired of is excuses. I've seen people come from nothing and make themselves something. My mother for example. There are people who help us. There are situations that allow us to move... but that is not without work of your own. You can be offered a job, take it, and then not put your all into it. Or you can work your ass off into the job you want and be recognized for the work you put in --leading to progress and excellence. You have control. You've just got to realize it. There is a way in this world. There are battles to be fought, yes, but there are also weapons. It is your duty to arm yourself and prepare for war. Everyone else is on this same battlefield, fighting for themselves. Some may have better arms than you...but you can fight just as well. It simply takes you more thanking. You'll have to do more work.  The world is not fair, but instead of backing down at this, you should figure out what it is you need to leverage yourself. Each of us will come up with a different plan. Your charge is to develop the best plan. The best way for you. But keep in mind that --somewhere on the other side of the globe, or maybe just across the street--- someone else is working on their plan, too. 

If you fail, it's because you didn't plan well enough.

 With that said, work accordingly.  I encourage you to go back to the drawing board. 

I'm already ready.