Big D

 I like 'em  fat like a pickle, hard like a nickle, juicy like a popscicle. - Lil Kim "Off the Wall"

    I had my first official walk-me-home-and-carry-my-books boyfriend in the 8th grade. (Say what you want... back then, they didn't want me, now I'm hot & they all on me.) But I didn't have sex with him. We used to make out in the girls locker room at the YMCA --the Boys & Girls Club to the cool kids --but I was scared. I remember he would try to put his hands down my pants and I'd stop him every time. I sucked as a girlfriend lol. A couple years later, when the deed was done with someone else, I wanted to try him out. I still had a little bit of a crush on him. Unfortunately, it didn't look as planned. Worst, though, it didn't feel it as planned. I stopped midway and gave him a story about how I had a boyfriend and felt guilty. In reality, I felt like... what the fuuuuuucckkk. When he left, I called Crystal & told her about the nightmare. She came over and I gave her a demonstration with a BIC  pencil. 

     Women fear small penises. You don't know what to do. Do you do it this once and never touch on the subject again? (That's what I did.)  Do you say no? (That's what I do.) The worst thing you can do though, is talk about his penis. I never told him that he... wasn't large. I just had Sabrina ask the girl he was currently with about it. She sad he was decent. So, my argument fell to the side. Maybe it's just that I had seen bigger. Maybe she never had bigger. Or maybe she just liked him that much. Because sometimes, when a girl really likes a guy, you see things the way you want to see them. Needless to say, I didn't like him enough. But I  never slept with him again --why would I  do that again? So when I hear a girl talk about a man with a small penis, but she continues to sleep with him, I wonder how she really feels about it.  I mean... it has to feel okay, doesn't it? If you keep going back, I mean...

      D's ex called him small recently. And it's something I had to deal with. The level of communication he and I had was beautiful, so he'd come to me with honest questions and expect honest answers in return. But how is a girl supposed to answer a question like that? A man who knows he's large will never ask you about his size, because he's well aware of how big it is. He's probably been told many times how big it is. And there's enough free porn on the internet for him to compare himself to. So I couldn't tell D he was... large. That would have been a lie. There are men larger than him. I've seen them firsthand. But there are men smaller --I've seen those as well. 

        How do you tell a guy he's... fine? Because really, it sounds like a lie when you say, "Your penis is fine, hun." But really it was. It was fine for me, at least. It was what I wanted. But having a conversation with a man about how his lack of size is preferred is tough. Men think sex is always supposed to be porn-worthy. There's supposed to be nothing but screaming and flesh tearing. I'm not into that (all the time). Granted a little pain is good, but I'd rather not hurt the entire time. Just like I said in my post about anal sex, losing my virginity was enough. I don't need that much pain in my life. The way I like to describe my preference is... I like an internal massage. I like to feel it. I like it to feel good. D did that for me. Every once in a while I could have used a little more. There were some missed spots, I'll admit, but that's nothing he should be ashamed of.  It's fine. *shrugs*

       What his ex did though, was wrong. Ladies, I'm simply not sure it's okay to ever talk about a man's penis like that to him. Unless you really want to hurt him --which I'm sure she did. It truly fucks with him and we know it. That's why we go after that. When we get upset, we'll say anything. Actually... not anything, well say exactly what we know will hurt their feelings. That's evil.  That's immature. There was a time when I thought stuff like that was funny. In that time, I was a teenager. Eventually, you should grow up. A woman doesn't speak to a man like that. And if you've ended a relationship with him, there's no reason to hit him back up so that you can humiliate and hurt him. You don't do that to people. 

      Women get away with too much. Men can't talk to us like that. We have brothers and cousins and uncles and we aren't afraid to use them. We try out hardest to destroy men. I'm not sure if it's to make ourselves feel good or to make them feel bad. Or simply so that you can leave enough of an imprint on him so that he won't forget you. Now every time D looks down at his penis he thinks of this evil bitch. (And she's an evil, immature bitch, I've decided. She met up with him just to mace him. Maybe I'll blog on that later.) And the reason it works for her is that D isn't... massive. So when he looks at himself, he'll be able to take her word as truth. But the true truth is that the bitch liked it before didn't she? They were together... 5 years? And she's complaining now? When he told me what she said, all I could think was, "Bitch, you know you like that dick," but I'm a kind person so I held my tongue. Mainly, I was upset that she had said that about him. Remember that, at the time, he was my boyfriend. I said nothing to him. I was trying to sort out in my head how upset I was at her vs. him (for having gone to see her & getting his dumb-ass maced). Besides, he's a very pretty site when he's rock hard (tmi?). 

     Even when he's big, you shouldn't say much. I think sex (and all involved) is a personal topic. I know this seems contradictory as I blog on it, but... this'll be my first and last. I've posted on here time & time again about my celibacy. And yes, I'm celibate again (lol)... but D was a fun ride and I don't regret it in the least because it wasn't about the sex. I told a couple of people about him --4 people maybe -and then there's all of you. But never was it about the sex. That simply shouldn't be why you are with a guy or the main thing you have to talk about. Anyone who spoke to me about D heard about other things. You heard about him, as a person. You heard about us, as a unit. How sweet he was. How kind he was to me. What his and my sex is like is no one's business. I encourage a lot of you females to reevaluate the conversations you have. Because, honestly, I don't want to hear about your sex with your guy. Because I don't want to imagine you having sex. And I don't want to picture your man having sex. That's something that should be kept between you too. You shouldn't let me into your bedroom. I understand having the conversation if there are problems in the bedroom that you'd like to solve, but not if you're simply talking to humiliate him. And you should watch who you say things to --but you know that, right?

         In the end though, his size was a tough subject between D & I. I simply don't know how to handle a man's insecurity in that area. What he wanted to hear was "You're huge, daddy," but I couldn't force the words to come out. I know huge when I see it & I wasn't seeing it. But men... you shouldn't put that on us. No girl really wants to answer that question. And honestly, if you can do her more than once, you're fine. You shouldn't worry about your size because, obviously, she likes it. As long as you know what to do with what you have (and accent it with a little mouth love) you're good. You can always hit her with the Ja Rule, "You know what? I still fucked you," line and keep it movin'. Ladies, if you let him hit it more than once, there's really only much you can say about his penis. You liked it. It's okay. You liked the little penis time after time after time after time. Honey... you liked it. Don't worry. I liked it, too. 

   So that's all I have to say about his penis, in particular ;)