"Can I cum on your face?" was once the mid-stroke question of choice. Me? I'm the disgusted type. He bust out laughing but I was completely serious. I was upset. I was pissed off the say the least... I mean... the thought that went through my mind was "What kind of girl do you think I am? How do you even dare ask me that?" Then again, here I was, laid up next to him just like the glass of my warm mango Martini touched the edge of hie double shot of Hennessy, we'd done the same and stared out the 24th floor windows of the W as we took it all in. He was marveled by how far above we were from the people below and myself impressed by the discreetly placed pink accents. Both of us impressed by the fancy sinks. "This is how you do it," he continued to say, and it was that same thought the coaxed to me open to him. Whether right or wrong, at least I wasn't in the back seat of someone's car and so what if he did buy me a drink or two? I promise you they were the prettiest drinks I've had; Never give it up for plastic cups.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean nothing by it. I was just..." Testing his limits is what he was doing, I don't know if he thought I'd be as offended as I was. I hit him with the "Excuse me," and washed up. When I came back to bed, he had a lot of 'splainin to do. Here is where we defer to a post I've already written, "Me, You & Her: Open Relationships"and he explained to me that... he simply wanted to know. He's into that. It's one of his "things".
There are girls out there. They'll do the things you won't do. & The things you won't do become more and more of a commodity. This used to scare me. I used to feel like... if I don't do it, someone else will & I'll lose him. Now, I'm thinking... If I don't want to do it, you need to find someone who will. Because someone will. It's not my responsibility to make up for all the dirty shit those girls do. Or is it? How long can you hold onto a man without doing the things he is into? How long before you give into things you thought you'd never do? Or do I say "No" forever? Honestly, I think I'll say no to most things until there's a ring on my finger. Which is why I sent him a picture of my hand with the message, "There's something missing here. Can you guess what it is?" After marriage, I think you're required to do all that nasty stuff to keep your man satisfied. Because if you don't do it... & that's the only man I'd fight to keep: The one who is rightfully mine.
So what if you're dating a really good guy... he's just... nasty? Lol.. Idk how to deal with this. I think your own sexuality has to be at a level that he can handle. People's sexualities have to match. Opposites attract but hey... I'm not the cum-in-my-face type of girl. That's an activity he can do while he cheats... you know... disrespectful stuff. "That's not disrespectful," he argued. "It's one step away from peeing on me," I responded "the only difference is what's coming out." I consider myself a fairly open person, but that I simply can't do. I just can't. & I'm not sure I can hold it against him because, I feel like, if I were a man.... I'd want to do it too. I mean... hey.. why not? I mean... pornos are real. Those girls are doing those things. & Asking a man to show you his favorite videos might be able to help you out. You'll be able to see what he likes & how he likes it. Not to mention, he might like that you can watch it with him.
So I wonder whose job it is to change here. Should I loosen up and enjoy myself? If I do, I probably will enjoy myself. Sexual interaction can only be hurt by restrictions. It's like the idea that if you instill rules before a threesome, you aren't ready for a threesome (I'm not ready for one). But... maybe he shouldn't expect so much. Just because there are other girls out there who are willing to do everything sexually that he wants, doesn't mean I have to. He can go choose one of them, can't he? Why should I have to change? Or maybe we can come to a solution the was "they" claim everything can be done: 50/50. I loosen up a bit while he comes to terms with the fact that I'm not going to do everything. If I was into everything... I wouldn't be the type of girl I am. The type of girl he likes. An overly sexual girl isn't just overly sexual in one bed or for no reason... there's something behind it. "See she likes it," he said as he showed me a video, trying to convince me that some girls are into this type of thing. "She does?" I asked, "with that face?"I pointed to the at-least-I'm-getting-paid expression on her face. "You're right... she don't," he finally admitted.
Sometimes --I fully believe --men see women as complete sexual objects until you force them to look at her as a person. It's not that they can't, it's simply that they don't. We're objects until you force a man to look at you differently. We're something to play with. Something to touch and hold and make them feel good. It's not all their fault. Women are attractive. & we do so purposely. We wear the shortest dresses and the tightest pants when we're trying to make an impression. We focus on our physical so it's "fucking ridiculous" for us to expect men to see us differently than how we present ourselves. I think that, when I pointed out that girl's face, that was the first time he saw her as a human. The first time he saw her emotion. Previously, she was simply sex in human form. & seeing her degrade herself like that didn't hurt him like it hurt me. I felt for her & I think he finally did, too. Point is... If I don't want to do something, I'm not going to do it. I have to pay attention to my own likes/dislikes/feelings/morals before I consider a man's pleasure. If it ain't fun for me... why would I participate? Sometimes, it's ok to sit the stupid shit out.
Then again... sex is a big part of a relationship... & if you can fully satisfy your partner... you might be able to get you some 15s on your Cavalier ;) lol
Work it out.
That picture makes you nervous, right? Yea.. me too. lol
You gotta #FaceYourFears to set yourself free.
No comments:
Post a Comment