"So why is it you smell so good and look like that and you single?"
"Because men cheat," I text back.
When I saw his name come up on my screen, I didn't know if I should pick up. You see, this wasn't the phone call I was waiting on. Mr. Derrick Marshall (real name used because I really don't give a fuck, and this is only considered libelous if (A) I'm lying or (B) I have malicious intent. Neither of which are the case here.) I met Mr. Marshall at a night club this passed weekend. It wasn't the most upscale event, nor was he the most attractive man in there. But I'm single, so I play the singles' game. But only to an extent.
I wear studded bands on my left ring finger when I go out. On purpose. Since I'm the girl who won't dance, I like to give myself a reason. I pretend to be married. All I do is wave the ring from afar and men get the point. If I am interested in them when they ask about the ring, I tell them "I'm practicing". When they ask if I'm married, I say, "Not yet, but I will be one day." I know it sound psychotic, but I've told you all time & time again, I refuse to waste my time. I want it all or nothing at all. I don't want men to be confused as to what I am looking for and what my expectations are. The key is to remember that "All Men are Created Equal."
He shouldn't have called. "Sorry it took me so long to call you... It's just that I was talking to someone and I was really feeling her..." --> at this point, I thought he was joking. I thought he was gonna come through with the "& that person is you" ending... but no.... "But I was really feeling you that night and you was lookin so good. Maybe we could be friends."
If I could, I'd have forwarded him the link to "He's Just a Friend" to give him a real understanding of my POV on the subject.
"No, Thank you."
"No, thank you? We can't be friends?"
"No, Thank you."
I forget what he said next... didn't matter much. I was trying to figure out how to phrase the next question.
"Do I look like I like to be number two?" I asked.
"Nah... you can be number 1."
"No, Thank you. But thank you for calling, hun."
"I mean... Alright. Keep in touch."
"No, Thank you. Goodnight, Derrick."
"Goodnight."
I'm just not okay with it. It's not that I need a man's full out attention. That I'm starving for company. But I think that a woman has to depreciate herself in value when she willingly --with full knowledge --takes on the "runner-up" position. Unless she makes it worth it. Here's the truth: I considered it. If he wants to be my friend, I considered letting him. I just don't know if I'm up to it. Unfortunately for him, he'd have to spend, spend, spend for my company. & Truthfully, I don't think there's anything wrong in it. I mean, he can't sleep with me. He wants to disrespect me, so I'll disrespect him. He thinks I'm some dumb broad, so the only available option is to show him who the real sucker is.
But do I want to?
Come to think of it... Momma needs a new pair of shoes.
& That's the fucked up thing about relationships. You never know what the other person is doing. It's a scary thought. This man thinks that because he told me the truth, I'll be okay with the situation. "At least you know I won't lie to you," he text me later. I still haven't responded to that message because I'm not sure who is being disrespected more: Me or the other chick? I don't want this guy, but I know that if I wanted to I could have him. I know that because my last response to him at was 8:53 last night and he keeps texting me. Asking me questions and moving on as if I had answered them. I got a "Good morning" text today that I'd have loved had it come from someone else. & This shit happens all too often, sometimes men tell you, sometimes they don't. Rarely is anyone truly single when you meet them, but to let me know and expect me to be okay with it is a complete different situation. I wrote about it before in "If Your Girl Only Knew How You be Facebookin Me" and my sentiments haven't changed.
This is the disaster of the world. Rather, of relationships. We pay more attention and give more to the people who don't even want us. Meanwhile, homegirl is probably sitting around waiting for him to text her. I wonder if he said "Good Morning" to her. I don't know what to do yet. Obviously I don't want anything with him, but I think that dinner & shopping might show him a lesson he has yet to learn. Besides, he didn't buy me a drink that night. He owes me.
Still, the only way he'll have a chance at being my sucker is if all else fails. Read "All Men Are Created Equal" to see what I mean.
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| This picture took A LOT of work. God, Bless Mac computers. |
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